REST

I took it easy. I didn't write or edit today. I got some very good advice from a fellow aspiring writer, suggesting I take a break and I did so. Thank you very much for the great advice as always.

I spent some good quality time with the family, all of us talking again-at last. My sister is buying herself another computer soon. Meaning the four of us will no longer be sharing one, so I don't have to wait for them to finish their stuff in order for me to write.

I did a ton of baking today for my sisters birthday. I actually surprised myself at how good I can be at baking. Must say, after making all the goodies I am not looking forward to eating any of it.

TWO DIFFERENT LIVES

At day I am just me.
Boring, plain and restrained.
I am forced to smile.
Even when I want to cry.

But at night,
I am completely different.
I am happy, talented and free.
I even smile because I want too.

I dread when the morning comes near.
The bright beautiful day,
a symbol of my restraints

Welcome is the sight of twilight,
signaling that my real life,
is about to begin.

This is a poem I wrote about how I juggle two different lives. During the day I am the receptionist and during the night I am an aspiring writer. However, I never stop wanting to write. During the day I just pretend to be someone else for 8 hours.

SLOWLY BUT SURELY

I am making progress. I started with the editing of my first manuscript. It is going a bit slow. My job makes me feel tired mentally and physically, so I don't really do a lot of writing or editing during the week. So much for my new writing schedule. Besides updating my posts, I have not written anything in a while, which has me worried.

Me not being able to write is driving me insane. I am suffering from a lack of sleep, yet again. Not that I could sleep at all before. I feel sad and I just don't seem to have any energy at all. Instead of adapting to working and writing, I am mostly just working. I don't seem to have much time for anything else.

But I am hoping to get a lot done this weekend. My family life is still strenuous, but we try to tolerate each other as best we can.

CRAZY DAY

Today was one hell of a day. Everything that could have gone wrong at work, went wrong. Things were crazy and I was really busy. People were complaining about me not answering the phone fast enough and people were mean and I got a lot of attitude. There was just so much stuff going on at once that I am still feeling stressed.

I have a constant headache and after three weeks of working there, I have decided I don't like my job or working with people. But I will keep working as the temporary receptionist. After all it is a job and it is an income. The whole point of being an adult is making sacrifices, right? So what if I am not happy? At least I have an income and I am employed.

WEIRD NEW HOBBY

I have a strange obsession with trees. Oak trees especially. The place where I work has a beautiful garden with some of the most beautiful trees and scenery ever. So, I like to go outside in my lunchtime and take pictures of the trees, flowers and just what ever I find beautiful.

It sounds weird doesn't it? Even the people at work think I am crazy. One man actually asked me what I was doing. Is it really that crazy to say you like trees? If it is I don't care. They make me happy and they make me feel inspired.

I just love how the trees looks during winter. They look rather dramatic.

STORYTELLERS

As you know I recently blogged about needing to read some good books, after I kept choosing horrible ones. So, I went back to my rather unimpressive stack of books and noticed a pattern of sorts.

All my books were written by authors who are very good, even brilliant storytellers. Which explains why I only read the books of the select few authors I actually do like. Not all authors are very good storytellers, so when I find one I do like, I stick to their work. I don't care how fancy their writing techniques are or how broad their vocabulary is, if an author can't make me enjoy what I am reading then I won't read that authors book. This might sound simple to you but to me it's a revelation!

So I can see how most of us aspiring writers can get confused. We all want to be good writers, but how do we determine if we are good or not? Publishers? Agents? Are they really the ones to tell us if we are good or not? I don't think so. Because remember, they only go with authors who they feel will make them the most money or which project they personally feel more comfortable with. It is almost like a lucky draw. Just because you get turned down doesn't make you a bad writer. It just means you don't fit into their marketing strategy.

Now, my point. You can be a writer who makes a few grammar mistakes, but knows how to tell a story. The one who has readers hooked by the first paragraph and forces that reader to try and finish your book as fast as possible, because they want to know how your books ends. Or you can be the the writer who has perfect grammar and spelling. The writer who follows all the rules of writing to a T. But who doesn't really hook the writer. You go for audiences who want to feel intelligent and who will brag with the fact that they read your book. But did they live themselves into your story. Did they feel and understand the conflicts your characters faced? Did they feel themselves get excited when a big scene of conflict arose? I suppose a select few do both. Have great story telling abilities and great grammar, writing techniques and all that other stuff, but most don't.

No? To me a good storyteller is the most essential thing. I want to escape. I want to live in the world you created. I want to sympathize with your characters. I want to believe in the impossible. If you can achieve that then to me you are a good, even a great writer. And through personal experience I have noticed that not all published authors are good storytellers.

What does it boil down to? If you can't tell a good story, I don't read your work. Life is hard enough. I don't need a dictionary to decipher a book and I wont force myself to read a book I don't enjoy. I don't care how stupid that makes me sound. I studied for 19 years of my 24 year old life. I am finished with trying to be smart. I am all about reading for enjoyment.

IN NEED OF SOME GOOD READING MATERIAL

I am in need of some good reading material. I need some fantasy to escape. I am rather a creature of habit. When I like certain authors then I will only read their books. But now I am in need of new authors to read and books to enjoy.

Only problem is that our local library is not very well stocked and most of the bookshops are very expensive. I don't mind paying a lot of money for a good book. But one mistake I usually make is that after I bought a book, it doesn't read as well as it did in the shop and I don't seem able to get past the first three chapters. I suppose you can say I am a fussy reader. If I don't like a certain writing style or the voice in which the author writes, I won't the finish a book no matter how much I paid for it.

I never read a lot in the bookshops because of the way the clerks always glare at you but next time I will simply just not give a damn. Because there is no way I am spending another dime on a book that sucks.

BAD HAIR DAY

I had a very bad hair day. I looked like a crazy person. My hair simply just had a mind of it's own. I got a professional flatiron for Christmas to tame my naturally curly hair and today of all days not even the flatiron could do it's job.

My hair smells burnt, nothing like shampoo and conditioner. I felt very self-conscious. What made it worse was the way everyone stared. Luckily I found a rubber band in my bag and tied the whole mess back. If only I could have used the paper clips as a way to manage the fly aways.

When anger is connected to your tear ducts

I am embarrassed to admit it but it seems my anger is connected to my tear ducts. My brother shouted at me in public a few days ago and I felt upset and after a few minutes, when the event played back in my mind and I became even more infuriated, did I notice tears welling up in my eyes.

I usually don't cry easily, but my family members, my brother especially has a way of making you feel very small and insignificant. My unimpressive employment history makes it even easier to hit a sore spot. But most importantly, my brother is the kind of guy you don't show any form of weakness, because he is the type that can eat you alive and at that moment the tears could not be helped.

We are still not talking to each other. The whole house has a weird vibe and my brother does not seem to act as if he did anything wrong. I refuse to talk to him if that is going to be his attitude towards me. I might be an underachiever, but I am a human being dammit and just because he is my brother doesn't mean he can treat me like shit.

ARE YOU ON SOMETHING?

People at work are dumbfounded with my attitude. They seem to think I am a happy person because I am always friendly and smiling, but it is just part of my job. Even my family want to know if I am on something, for me to be so happy.

But truth be told, I am only smiling because for the first time ever I finally know where I belong. Among my fellow writers. I don't know any of the ladies whose blogs I follow very well but I can relate to them. I understand what they are going through and never ever have I ever been able to relate to other human beings before, not even my own family. So this is a major break through for me.

I am not naturally a happy person nor am I a very positive person, but since I took up my writing again, I became a more positive person. Believe you me, I have days that I am very sad and down for no particular reason, but the next day I will force myself to smile and be happy. I was in a very dark place emotionally for many years, I suffered from depression and I know what it feels like to be so low in life that you can't face the world, let alone your own family. I refuse to ever go back to such a dark place again. Therefore, I smile and force myself to be positive no matter what. I became a stronger person and I matured a lot too. And I have an endless supply of darkness in my memory banks that I can tap into if my writing ever requires it.

BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID

My family recently started taking interest in my writing. Which of course has me worried. What is with the sudden interest?
My oldest sister, the avid reader, I would say is probably the most supportive at the moment. Even she was a bit sceptical at the binning. But even my brother the most judgemental one is asking me how far my first novel is from submission. It is really weird. My mother and my other sister, the chef, can't understand why I keep writing. I might never get published and I might never make more then 25c off my writing, but yet I still write.

Just the other day my brother told me that I can write but to not embarrass him by writing crap. So with my family I think you have to take the sweet with the sour. We are a pretty old fashioned family and in our country becoming a successful fiction writer is unheard of. So, if I want to submit my work I will have to submit it overseas, which just reduces my chances even further. Because if American agents don't want to accept most American authors, what are the chances they will want to accept work from a girl from South Africa? Very slim, but still I am going to try.

I love my family a lot and I truly understand their concerns, but I have to keep on writing, no matter how hard it gets. Maybe they are supporting me now, but will they still support me when the rejection letters come in? I think not, but I refuse to let their prejudices keep me down. After all, what do I have to lose?

NEW ATTEMPT AT A WRITING SCHEDULE

I think my creativity might be back. I finished a whole chapter yesterday and I felt very relieved. I put on my favorite music and the ideas just came by themselves. I am also going to try a new writing schedule.

I am no longer going to try and write at work, no matter how much time I have. It is too irritating and I don't feel relaxed there. I will still take my little notebook and scribble some ideas in there, but no more attempts to finish scenes. And when I get home, no matter how tired and unmotivated I feel, I will have to write. I need to finish this second book.

That might sound simple but it has been hard these past two weeks to get myself to do any of it. I even started counting my calories again full steam and I already lost 1 kg. So, I am happy all around.

My sister, the chef, recently got an article published in our local magazine. I am very proud of her. She worked hard to get what she wanted and now she is finally head chef, getting articles written about her and everything. What is really good for her career is that the whole country reads that magazine religiously, so her future looks very bright.

EXAM RESULTS

The results are in People! I passed. I got 92%, can you believe it? I sure can't. I am so happy and so very grateful that I passed. I was getting worried. But thanks to everyone for their belief in me and the well wishes.

BOOK RECOMENDATION

I recently bought myself this book, The Only Grammar book you'll ever need by Susan Thurman, from the writersdigest.com and I must say I am pretty happy with it. It told me everything I wanted to know, so I can use it as a quick reference from now on. Every time I am unsure of something, I can just go look it up. I am definitely not memorising everything.

For those who might want to know, it is a paperback with 184 pages and it addresses every writing dilemma imaginable.

WORD COUNT

I am feeling so confused. I did some research on the Internet for submission requirements, just for research. I am not close to submission quality yet. Anyway, I am so screwed when it comes to word counts. Each agent wants a different word count. I currently have a word count of 148 000 words (according to Microsoft word) that gives me 385 pages with double sided print and double spaced lines. Now that can't be right. I write paranormal romance at the moment. But I didn't intend for it to go the romance route, it just ended up like that. Please, don't judge me people. Immortals need love too.

The reason I feel confused is that all the submission requirements asks you for maximum 100 000 words. So, now I have to either split the manuscript in two and make it 2 separate books or reduce my manuscript size drastically (I don't like this option). And for those of you who read paranormal romance, you will notice that those ladies who write in that genre, have far more pages then me. So obviously their word count has to be higher then mine too, right? Is it because they are already published authors that their works can be longer or is there just some simpler answer and I am just being a moron?

I hate to bring her up again, but lets take Stephenie Meyers debut novel, Twilight as an example. Nobody knew her then, but her first book gets to have something like 478 pages, after her editor reduced the final word count. Meaning, she submitted an even bulkier manuscript with a very high word count and still... she got published (it got picked out of the slush pile by the way). No disrespect intended.

I already know if I submit my novel as thick as it is now, I will get rejected on word count alone. So what is a girl to do?

SOME ARE JUST BORNE TO WRITE

I don't know if I am a talented writer. I know that no matter how long I have written or how long I am still goint to write, that I will never know everything. But, I love what I do and when I write, I feel happy and I feel like I am doing what I was meant to do.

I started writing when I was ten. At first it was song lyrics, then poetry, then lyrics again, followed by short stories... the list goes on and on. My point being that I have always written. I wont even count the crap I wrote when I was younger (4-9 years old), I will just write that stuff off.

Why are you telling us this you boring, odd, short woman? Well, when I was 18, I threw all of my work that I have ever written away, as I went to college to pursue a more serious life. I never considered becoming a writer. And to this day, I regret throwing everything away and turning my back on my writing. I regret not deciding to be a writer from the start. I could have saved myself 4 years of torture and my family a lot of money.

What I am trying to say is that those of us who choose to write, are blessed. Because we have a unique way to better the quality of our lives. We can escape to worlds that may only exist in our imagination but we bring those worlds to life, by the ink of a pen, the lead of a pencil or just by typing on a keyboard. We are just borne to write. As simple as that. It doesn't matter if you don't think you are good. Just write.

You are probalby thinking '' What are you talking about you moron, you haven't even submitted your first manuscript yet''. I have not submitted any of my works for submission yet and I don't know what it feels like to have that piece of paper in your hand that notifies you that your project has been rejected. But I know what rejection feels like. I had people laugh in my face and just out right humiliate me while I applied for job after job and getting rejected each time. For two years I struggled to become employed and to this day, I am still doing part time jobs. So, I will probably have to go through the embarrassing part of asking (begging) for a job again soon. Meaning, I know rejection and I decided not to give up, to push through. My brother always says ''Nothing worth having is ever easy''.

If writing makes you happy, then please don't stop. No matter how many rejection letters you get or how bad the comments are. Keep writing. Don't give up on something that makes you happy. I will regret those 4 years I lost till the day I die, no matter how many manuscripts I write in the years after.

I just wanted to provide some motivation to all those writers who might be thinking of giving up. Sorry if I came across as depressing, instead.

CHANGES

OK. I am back to counting my calories and exercising again. I feel better and I have noticed my energy levels increase as well. I know you don't really care about my daily diet and energy levels but I have a point, honest.

I have noticed that my level of creativity is dependent on my diet and lifestyle. If I don't eat the right foods or if I don't exercise, my creativity suffers. Today I thought of a way to change my first 3 chapters, all while sitting at my desk, waiting for the phone to ring. Is it a coincidence that my creativity level increased just as I had eliminated certain foods out of my diet? I think not.

I have been going to bed really early these few days and it didn't do anything but make me grumpy. It might sound strange, but I think I do better with less sleep. I think I could get away with only 7-6 hours of sleep. Hell, if it helps my writing why not? I would probably get up to write in the middle of the night if it wasn't so damn cold at the moment. Winter use to be my favourite season, well not this year.

You can do with some weight loss!

One of my colleagues asked me to go on the soup diet with her today. She thinks that I could do with the weight loss, especially after she found out my sister is a chef and mentioned that she could see that my sister is a chef, because I look as if everything I eat is still stuck to my body. I know I can benefit from losing a few kilos, but I will do it on my own terms. I have already started with a complete lifestyle change in September last year. And it is not like all I do is eat. Yes, I will eat some junk food every now and then, but it is not like all I do the whole day is over eat.

Anyway, everyday she starts off our day with more weight remarks and I can't ignore her because my desk is right next to hers. Maybe I am too sensitive but I think that there is something wrong with my human chemistry or something. I keep on pulling all the mean people to me and I don't want to keep saying that I am not a peoples person because that makes me sound like a complete freak of nature.

Honestly, I do struggle with my weight, but I am doing something about it. I already made peace with the fact that I wont lose all the weight fast. It will take time and I would rather make sure the weight stays off instead of picking every kilo back up after a week. Usually my writing is my coping mechanism, but I haven't been doing much of that lately, which probably explains my horrid mood.

LET THERE BE MUSIC!

I have finally found a way to write good romantic scenes. Music! If I listen to great music, it sort of gets me in the right state of mind and it inspires me to write great love scenes. The music helps my mind to drift and allows me to think from my characters point of view.

However, my idea of great inspirational/romantic music might differ from what everybody else might deem appropriate, but it works for me. Some of my favourites are:

Eyes on fire-Blue Foundation

A Case of you-Joni Mitchell

Never think-Robert Pattinson

My Love-Sia

Broken-Seether

These are just a few of the songs in my play list, but I love them and whenever I hear them, scenes just play out in my mind and they practically write themselves.

NEXT PROJECT, ALREADY?

I just had the greatest plate of Carbonara pasta. I made it myself. I am becoming a rather talented cook, if I must say so myself. But I also had to do the dishes, a lot of them.

Anyway, I am starting with the outline for my third potential novel. I just have to write everything down, so that it can get out of my head. I am still editing the first one and should still finish the second, but this story is haunting me. So, I am going to grab a book, a pen and plant myself in front of the fireplace and just let my ideas flow unto the paper.

FIRST NICKNAME

I received my first nickname at work today. I am not pleased about it at all. This guy came up to me and asked me if I was conceived on a short weekend, because I am short. Now the jerk calls me Shorty.

I suppose it could have been worse, but it is still rude. I just laughed off his insensitive comment, not wanting to show him that his comment upset me. I refused to give him the satisfaction. In reality I felt like punching him square in the face and let me tell you I was really close too. But I remembered how hard it was for me to get a job before and to end up unemployed again because of an ass like that, was just not worth it. Rest assured, I will have a character who will kick the crap out of a guy with a similar attitude in my next novel. I will get my revenge.

I wrote a bit at work again today. But besides the few pages at work, I don't really write a lot at the moment. Our computer needs to be reformatted or defragmented, which ever, I am useless with computer terminology. So, I don't want to write or edit until that is done. I already have so many copies of my two manuscripts that it is driving me crazy. I have this fear that after they cleaned the hard drive or what ever it is they do, that none of my back ups are going to work and I would have to retype both manuscripts. Can you imagine that? My family would have to rush me off to the emergency room for resuscitation because believe you me, I would die right there and then.

Shorty! Urgh! I can't help that I am short and I hate it even more that it is still bothering me. But I guess it is a small taste of what it will be like when I start submitting my manuscript. Agents and editors are ruthless and just as demeaning with their responses.

ANOTHER DAY

Today I did quite a bit of writing between calls. I have sort of developed my own mad scientist type of handwriting and I have valid reasons why.

1. I don't like it when people read over my shoulder so, if they can't read what I write maybe they will stop attempting to read it.

2. I am too lazy to write out all the words in full. I don't have a lot of privacy to type on the computer and I think writing stuff kind of helps me get into the writing mood.

I know what you are thinking, when does this chick work when she is writing most of the time? Well, it is very quiet at the moment and they won't let me read at my desk, so I write. I can't just sit there and stare out of the window. Yes, I have an active imagination, but not that active that it will keep me amused for hours.

People are becoming friendlier and I am starting to adjust to the new work environment. But I have to be aware of certain people at the office who are constantly trying to take advantage of the new girl. Why can't people just leave you alone and let you do your job?

Anyway, I will start making the big changes to my first manuscript soon, just waiting for the computer to be reformatted and then I will start. I am dreading the changes to my first three chapters though, but I know it is necessary.

Done!

I have finally finished my exam! I am so happy to be free! Yeah!

I wrote about 5 pages today while I was at work. I am very happy with what I wrote. Only problem is that it is a scene for my third manuscript and I am only busy with the second. But I guess I can always put it away for later use.

Welcome!

Welcome Leah, thank you for following my blog.

BOOK RECOMENDATION

I have just finished reading Revision and Self-Editing by James Scott Bell. It was very informative and what I liked about this book was that he explained everything as simply as possible. I am not ashamed to say that I am rather simple minded.

Most of the book focuses on the basics of writing. Which was absolutely perfect for me, because he tells you what to do and what not to do. As well as what to look for when you edit. Not to mention all the handy writing exercises.

Basically, what I learned is that there is no formula to perfect editing. Your manuscript quality will depend on you, the author and you alone. All I can do is polish my manuscript to the best of my ability and hope it is good enough for who ever reads it.

JUST ANOTHER UNEVENTFUL DAY

It really was just another uneventful day. Work was rather quiet, not much to do so I started to read one of the books I bought about self-editing and it is actually very helpful. It gave me a lot more to think about.

Didn't do any writing at all. I just read the book and studied, again. I can't wait for the test to be over and done with. Honestly, this is my last exam ever. I really don't have the capacity or patience for studying anymore and because I am so obsessive, I can't let my mind think creatively till I finish this damn test! Urgh!

I learned today that some people are really manipulative. At work I noticed that certain female colleagues are nice when they are with you, but behind your back they are completely catty. I am just going to do my job and not care about making friends or being liked. I don't want to get involved in any of the drama.

Got some feedback from my manuscript. She also felt that the flow wasn't exactly write and that I used too much commas, which is a mistake I had picked up on my half of the manuscript too. But overall she liked the style of writing and she thought I was creative.

So, I am pretty happy with the events of the day.

TIRED

As the title of this post suggests, I am extremely tired. I spent most of my weekend editing and studying. I finally finished my half of my manuscript. It is mainly thanks to my mild case of over compulsive disorder. Once I started I just couldn't stop editing till I was finished and satisfied with the end results.

I haven't started making changes on the computer yet. I think that might take a lot longer to fix. After all, I made quite a lot of changes and I already know that I want to rewrite the first three chapters. I need to make it a bit more original and a lot more memorable.

I am psyching myself up for work tomorrow. I don't think I will ever get use to working with people. It will always be a source of fear and intimidation for me, but it is also a great source of inspiration. It gives me lots of possible characters and personalities that I can use for my novels.

I had my first glass of Cognac tonight. I liked it but I still like my local brand of brandy better. I am not really a drinker, but I like to have a little brandy every now and again. Why did I drink Cognac? Because my brother thought I should know what it tastes like. Me, liking brandy instead of wine or beer. My brother wants to broaden my horizons, let me know what else is out there, so to speak.

I just hope the brandy doesn't keep me up the whole night. I need to get some deserved sleep, before I go work tomorrow. Oh, I also have a cold, again. Also contributing to my lack of sleep. But I am off to bed now. Have a great day everybody!

A BIT RUSTY

I started studying for my test on Wednesday and it was hard to get started. It has been two and a half years since I last studied and I could tell. My brain almost refuses to take any of the information in. Who would have thought studying the history of wine could be so difficult?
But I still have a few days to study, so no worries.

PEN NAME

For the sake of not wanting to come across as being deceitful, I thought I should mention that my birth name is not Murees Dupé. It is my pen name that I promised my family I would use so that my writing ambitions were not associated with their good name at all. My family didn't want to be embarrassed when after trying my best to pursue a writing career, it turns out I have absolutely no writing talent what so ever.

So, I am sorry if it may come across as deceitful, but if I want to write it has to be anonymously. Though funny enough, my pen name is really close to my real name. Ha! Ha!

Routine

I got off from work today, because I had to renew my drivers licence before things get too busy. Miraculously I only sat at the traffic department for 20 minutes, which is fast for their standards. My mom and I did the weekly grocery shopping and then we came home to clean the house.

My books from writers digest also came today. Now I can really get things going. I am getting my other half of my manuscript back next week, so I am excited about that. I didn't write yesterday and I probably wont get to it today either. I am going to try and finish the last few chapters of my manuscript this weekend. I hate editing at work, because I can't deal with it when people star reading over your shoulder.

Well, I guess I have to start editing now. And I know I am a freak, but I am going to watch eclipse again, tonight. It's OK, you can judge me.

DOWNSIDE

There is just one downside of being part of an online world or forum. Spammers/Hackers. I don't know what it is about me or my profile picture, But for some reason I receive emails from all kinds of people claiming they are writers digest community members, which I know they are not.

Reason being: Spammers always send you messages that say ''Please reply to this email'' and another reason is that I check out their profile pages and it usually has minimal information about them. Almost every single day I have a message like that and it usually starts with '' Hi, I saw your profile on the writers digest community forum...'' blah...blah...blah, you get the picture. So, be aware of those kinds of people. Important: Never reply to any of those messages or emails, ever.

People like that just really get on my nerves. As if life as an aspiring writer isn't tough enough, you still have to worry about people trying to scam you all the time.

SO FAR, SO GOOD

I started working today and it went well. Everyone was happy to see me, but whether they were really happy or just being nice for face sake, I will never know. Basically all I do is man the switchboard and help visitors with their inquiries.

I edited three chapters while sitting at my desk, today. It was a really quiet day and I was surprised I got so much done. I am a little bummed because I don't seem to have any energy left to write. And this was exactly what I was afraid of. Now that I am back at a demanding job I don't get time to write, accept on weekends, but at least I am getting a lot of editing done.

I am afraid to say it but things are actually going well for me for a change. Accept that one of my friends sent me one of those chain letters that say ''if you don't foreword this you will have a lifetime of bad luck''. Personally I don't believe in stuff like that and why the hell, would a friend send you crap like that? I wouldn't send another person an email like that. So, if anything happens to me and I am no longer blogging, then you know my friends little email got me.

I am going to edit a few more chapters. I feel inspired and determined to make that manuscript shine. I am actually excited to get to the stage where I get my first rejection letter. It sounds weird I know.

YEAH!

I got offered another temporary job! I have to start tomorrow and I will be working as a receptionist until they can replace the current one. Naturally, I will be applying for the job too, but it is a income. I can still edit my work and write, not as much as I would like but write none the less. I am so happy! I have a job! OK just for a few months, but still! It's a job.

EDITING

I started editing my first manuscript and so far I am actually enjoying it. I finished one chapter yesterday. so I am smiling. It makes me feel more at ease knowing I am doing something productive instead of waiting around for feedback. Like I said before, there are a lot of changes that need to be made in order for me to be satisfied. However, I don't want to totally gut it. I am just focusing on the spelling, sentence structures and making sure that the paragraphs flow into each other.

DIET HAS GONE TO HELL

I have been having an off few weeks and not only does my writng reflect it but also my scale. As you know I have become more healthy, counting calories and exercising regularly. But lately I eat what ever I want and I rarely exercise. I hate to admit it but my diet (lifestyle change) has gone to hell! I have gained two kilos since two weeks ago and now I feel really upset and I know what you are thinking. Stop eating so much!

I am trying really hard to get back into my focused state of mind. My writing is still going strong, but I am a lot more obsesive about my writing these days then I have ever been. No matter what happened to me today or the day before, I still go and write. It bothers my family a lot. I just feel that this is what I was meant to do. I know all apiring writers think and say that.

I have to get my diet as balanced as it has been for the past 7 months. I just have too. I felt as if I had so much more energy then I do now and I just felt better as a person too.

DRAMA QUEEN ALERT!

I was just playing around with a few ideas for my characters and I just realized my problem is that I tend to be a bit too dramatic. Damn this brain of mine. Everything is always so full of drama. I can't just let my two characters fall in love and that be it, no, there has to be death and sorrow before they can realize their feelings for each other. I don't know why I can't just write a scene that is not too overly complicated.

Maybe the fact that I am making things so emotionally complicated can be a good thing, right? Sort of like my own style? I don't know why, but I just don't believe in happily ever afters. Yes, my characters get a happy ending, but not like in fairy tales. There is always a compromise for happiness I think. So, naturally my characters would portray that.

But as you can read, once again I make things far more complicated then they really truly are. That is why I suck at creating a romantic or love scenes for my book. I just can't wrap my head around that scenario. It is coming along slowly, but I am sure I will get there, eventually. Urgh!

DAY AT WORK

I worked as a temporary receptionist today and it was OK. I was very busy, but I took a notebook with me and got a lot of writing done regardless. It is just very weird for me pretending to be smiley and friendly. I guess it comes with the job. Not that I'm not normally friendly, but I do fear people in general. I am a freak like that.

I got a few very good ideas while I was working. However I still struggle to make my two main characters appear in love. It is a lot harder then people think it is and yes, it is necessary for this story, seeing that it follows on my first one and as you can imagine the characters relationship evolves. I end up making a passionate scene sound really corny and the flow is all wrong. I still need a lot of work in that department. My first manuscript is going to need a lot of work too, before it is going to be anywhere near ready for submission.

Now I am torn. Do I write on the second novel or do I edit my first? What a dilemma. But I am going to try and do both. I really can't let either projects go. I know I am trying to do too much but I just can't lose momentum now.

I am still suffering from a lack of sleep, but when I write I hardly notice the fatigue. I don't mind losing sleep but I do mind the nightmares I have whenever I try to sleep. Overactive imagination I guess. For some strange reason I get my best ideas late at night, which is funny because I use to be one of those children (and teenager) who use to be afraid of the dark and now I seem to be more comfortable during night time then daytime.

THINGS ARE WORKING OUT NICELY

I just got back from spending a day with the family, which is always nice. We ate at the restaurant where my sister is the head chef, so yeah, that was awesome. She works all the time and we never get to see her so actually being able to spend time with her, even though she was still working, was awesome.

I started reading through my first manuscript and I will start editing it soon. I only still have half of my manuscript. My second book is sort of on hold for the moment while I am reading through the first one. Now that I am reading it after taking a break from it for a couple of months, I can see where I have to change certain things or tweak it. I even bought me books about self-editing on writers digest.com to help me even further, but I already know exactly what has to change and what I have to take out.

Once again thank you for all the helpful advice from the writers digest community. They made my writing life so much easier.

BUSY DAY!

I had a very busy day today. I didn't really get a chance to write. But I have so many new ideas for my novel that I have a problem switching off. I had to take a few sleep aids that my Doctor had prescribed me a few months ago, but I refused to take before, just so that my brain can rest long enough for me to get a decent nights sleep. Believe it or not my brain still goes on thinking when I attempt to sleep. Resulting in me being very groggy and tired, which is bad for my writing.

But when the inspiration hits it is hard to ignore and these days I don't ignore it at all. I had done enough ignoring when I quite writing for 4 years and I still regret that decision to this day. I have wasted so much time doing things I thought I liked, when in reality I turned my back on the only thing I ever loved doing and that had gotten me through the worst times of my life, my writing. So, no more regrets!

When I feel like writing, even when it is 02:00 am, I write. I love it! And even now, when I read other aspiring writers blogs and see, that like me they also struggle to cope with wanting to be writers and having other priorities in life, I suddenly feel comforted and honoured to be part of their writing worlds . And let me tell you these ladies write fantastic and realistic posts that make me proud to be an aspiring writer.

As you can see I have been very busy today chatting up a storm. And I truly just get carried away. Maybe I should use this energy on my novel.

WINE COURSE

Man, does my head hurt! I have finished my preliminary wine course and it went well. A few people were actually friendly and they chatted to me, so I didn't end up in the corner by myself as usual (thank goodness). The theory was very informative as it should be and for once the people weren't a problem. But the actual tasting of the wine...Now there was a big problem! I am not a big drinker and even though I used a spittoon, I ended up with a headache from hell and very rosy cheeks. I wore a scarf to the class, but halfway through I ended up getting rid of it. I was suddenly so hot and uncomfortable that I could barely focus. Not to mention that I had a hard time smelling and tasting what the lecturer suggested.

But I enjoyed it and most importantly I learned a lot. My exam is the 14Th of July, so I still have to finish that before I can really breath again. Oh, and a few people actually gave me advice on how to get a job on a wine estate. I don't mind pouring wine for tourists for a living. It will be a lot better then being an unemployed aspiring writer. Don't get me wrong, I would love to just write and make that my life, but in reality I can't. I have to be a big girl.

ECLIPSE: REVIEW

FANTASTIC! That is all I can say. I loved the movie, even though it wasn't exactly like the book. It was funny and mooshy at exactly the right times and the acting was good. But if you are not a fan of the Stephenie Meyer books, then you won't like the movie. Then again, my brother didn't read the books and he hated the previous two movies, but he actually liked this movie, so it is guy friendly and there is hope for him yet.

I can't wait to go see it again. I am just waiting for the craziness to calm down first. Last night people were pushing and shoving to get into the cinema and yes, we did have booked seats. Getting into the cinema alive was about the only unpleasant thing.

Welcome to my very first follower

Welcome!

Thank you very much to HM Gardner for joining my blog.

Just a thought

If I had a boyfriend like him, I would be smiling too.

I would still be smiling.

So, I say why choose? Have them both! But only when its these two though. Kristen Stewart is so lucky. (Sigh)

REALLY EXCITED

I am really excited! I can't wait to watch eclipse tonight. I hope it is going to be awesome.

I forgot to mention that I will also be attending an introductory wine course tomorrow. I am doing the course so that I can broaden my spectrum for a job. Yes, I really want to be a writer, but that doesn't give me an income, so I have to do the one job to pay for another. It is a sacrifice I am willing to make.

So wish me luck for tomorrow. I don't know anyone there and it is a full day course. It is times like these I wish I wasn't so weird.