It is official - I am a Moron

It is official Ladies and Gentlemen. I know many of you have thought it but now I can finally admit it is true. I am a Moron.

I read Gift by Ursula Le Guin and I am sorry to say it but I didn't like it. No disrespect to Ursula Le Guin. After all she has written more than 60 books, most of them if not all are bestsellers. Who am I to say I didn't like this book? A nobody! But I will not be finishing this book. Sorry.

The way the book begins and the way the whole story flows and progresses...I just didn't find it stimulating. It felt like a chore reading it. I refused to have paid for another book and not have read it. I finally stopped at page 100.

Why buy it if you or not planing to read it? Honestly, I have never read any of her other works but according to the Internet she is a must read author. I also picked her book because she is said to be the best Fantasy writer alive and because the first page read so easily. And to be honest that should have been a hint because the first page starts telling a story and by the third page I flipped to the front to see if there hadn't been a book written before that one because I was feeling lost already.

I read the reviews for this book online and all of them said that the book was excellent, easy to read and easy to comprehend. So yeah, I am a Moron. I seem to be the only person who read it and not like it.

Signed the Moron.

Feeling good when you want to cry

I got some bad news yesterday and it was the kind of news that can have an impact on the rest of my life. But anyway the point I want to make is that I have been sulking about it, in fact I still am, and I shouldn't be. Everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason or so I believe.

So I was wondering what would be the best way to get over the bad news and get on with my life? I can't sulk forever and at some point I am going to get over what ever it is that is bothering me. But why wait till then? Why not speed up the emotional recovery process? If that is possible. And if it can be done, how do I go about doing it?

Here is what I did:

1. Comfort food helps, though I won't specify which because to each his own.

2. Exercise. I know that when you feel down in the dumps the last thing you want to do is exercise, but exercise provides your body with endorphins which in turn makes you feel happy.

3. Think happy thoughts. I know that it is a stupid thing to say but if you think negatively you will feel negative emotions.

4. Surround yourself with positive people. The last thing you want to do when you are already feeling down is listen to friends complain about their problems.

The most important reason for my search for a quick fix is that when I feel better I also tend to write better. I never want my writing to suffer because of my emotional instability in my personal life.

But I am over myself and focusing on the future and worrying about things that I actually can change instead of worrying about something that I can't.

Happy writing!

Alert: MyFreeRead.com Is Spamming Again

I just read about this scam on Writer Beware and I thought I should let you all know about it.

Alert: MyFreeRead.com Is Spamming Again

TOO ''FAT'' FOR LIFE

I finally got my test results back after two painful needle pricks and one uncomfortable sonar moment that revealed more about my own body then I wanted to know.

Anyway moving along. The specialist doctor I was referred to (sonar woman a.k.a the villain) felt that the reason I have been having problems with ill health was the fact that I am just too fat. That if I was thin I wouldn't have problems with fluctuating hormone levels and bad health. Basically she spent 2 minutes telling me I was fine, that there was nothing wrong with me (out of the ordinary) besides that I was fat. Then she spent the next 15 minutes lecturing me about being fat. Basically she just hates fat people.

In my defence I have started with a life change. I started counting my calories and exercising regularly. OK, I don't lose weight like crazy but I do lose weight. According to my previous dietitian predictions losing 0,5 kg a week is good and healthy. But no, ''Miss Sonar woman'' thinks that if I was really counting calories that I would have been at my goal weight already.

Moving On. I have been prescribed medication that I will have to be on for the rest of my life to keep my hormone balance stable (this is the same problem I had when I was skinny by the way. But according to her I was still fat then too). The funny thing is the medication my own doctor prescribed me is the same medication I used before when I packed on the weight I have now. But apparently it is the best. A trial and error process. So lets hope it doesn't make me even fatter.

So yeah, I am feeling a little down. But I have a reason to be. To have someone basically talk to you as if you weren't even human, as if you were some grotesque alien specie is hurtful. She was almost at the point of implying that every bad thing that ever happened to me was because I am fat, which was even more upsetting. Usually I would have said something back but I was in too much shock.

To make matters worse...when I went back to my own doctor to get my prescription the receptionist said ''Hi, I hear one of these days I am going to see a skinny you instead'' which meant ''Miss Sonar woman'' had put that into my results report for my doctor to read and because the receptionist handles all the administration she had read the report too. She is a sweet lady but I don't want everybody discussing me! Oh... the horror!

I only started having problems with my health lately when I started losing weight. So as a fatty I was healthy. But I feel a lot better now that I talked about this. I think blogging can be therapeutic.

So according to ''Miss Sonar Woman'' I am just too ''fat'' for life.

THIRD REJECTION LETTER

Today is not one of my better days. I had more tests done for the doctor and when I thought my day was over, my third rejection letter was already waiting for me in my inbox. This time it said that my project was not right for their agency.

The writing of my second book is going well. Should be able to finish it before the end of this year.

Still smiling but craving cake.

BRILLIANT READ

I just finished reading THE DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL by ANNE FRANK and I thought it was brilliant. Written from her perspective while she was 13 - 15 years of age.

Her maturity and out look on life at her age was shocking. At her tender age she grasped concepts about life and love that most of us adults will never begin to understand. I think what made it even more moving for me was that she explained things so clearly that it wasn't hard for me to see things through her eyes. Anne Frank had a wonderful spirit that refused to be broken no matter what. Her courage was admirable and as I came to the end of the book I found myself wishing and hoping that the book ended differently but it didn't. When I was done I wanted to cry. She was a brilliant mind and she had such a love for life.

Which made me think to myself that I should be grateful for the few loved ones I have and for the fact that I am as blessed as I am. Because she too deserved to survive and live her happily ever after, but as you know she never did. And like most of us she too wanted to be a writer. And what a talented writer she would have been.

TOO MUCH PASSION!

I went to the Doctor yesterday and his diagnosis was stress. Well I don't think it is stress but he's the Doctor right? Anyway, my mom and my brother seems to think that I should stop writing. They feel that it is my writing that is causing my stress. I of course, like the rebel that I am, disagree. I think that my writing is the only thing keeping me from falling apart. It's my comfort blanket so to speak.

There is no way that I am giving it up or stopping again. I made that mistake before and still regret it to this day.

My one sister thinks I get the headaches because I am too passionate. She thinks that I pour too much energy into everything that I do. I can't help it. If I do something I want to be sure it is done to the best of my ability and that it is as perfect as I could make it. Maybe my sister is right. Maybe I am too passionate. Because I do put a lot of emotion into every word I write. But all writers do that right?

I am just not a half hearted woman. When I love, I love with my whole heart and when I care about something I care with all of my being. Is that really such a crime? Is that not what living is all about? There are very few things (even fewer people) I truly care about. But when I do find something or someone I care about I hold onto it. So yes, I can be a little too passionate but that is who I am.

So now I am on all kinds of medication to relieve my symptoms. But at the moment I feel as if I am in some weird daze. I feel as if I can't focus and I am just unbelievably tired which I wasn't before. If anything, I think it is my frustration with my job that is really driving me crazy. Just sitting there...waiting for the phone to ring and then getting attitude from all kinds of people the whole day long is enough to give anyone a series of headaches right?

I just hope I stop having the headaches sometime soon. I don't want to have another discussion about my writing and more importantly I don't want to pay the Doctor anymore money to tell me I am stressed.

I try not to think of the other query letters that I sent out last week (which I have not gotten a reply from yet). I don't want to drive myself crazy. I try to read a lot to distract myself. And I even agreed to spend a few minutes a day with my punching bag. My brother bought a treadmill so maybe physical activity can keep me preoccupied and stress free.

What's new?

I have recently added the presence of a stress ball to my life. And no, it is not just because of the latest stress of submitting my MS, but also because apparently my work and work environment causes stress for me. I drive all my colleagues crazy because I am not content just squeezing the life out of the little ball. No, I play catch by myself and bounce it on my desk repeatedly.

I have been having problems with headaches since last Wednesday and for some strange reason they just won't go away. But I am going to the doctor tomorrow anyway so maybe stress isn't the reason for my headaches after all.

I also managed to do 10 minutes of kick boxing yesterday. I know it's not really an achievement but I didn't get a heart attack while doing it so that was an achievement on its own. But I won't lie. My body feels as if though it has been to war.

2nd REJECTION LETTER

Yeah, the post title says it all. I got my second rejection letter today. And like the first one it was a very nice rejection letter. Once again the agent said that she didn't think that she was the right agent for my project.

All I am thinking is ''Why are they responding so quickly?'' I know most writers wait months and months for a response and never get one. But seriously. Is it a good thing that agents respond within a day of me sending the query or is it a really bad thing? Is it so bad that they decided after the first sentence that they didn't like my writing?

Anyway, I am still smiling. Still pushing on. And I am very grateful for every response I get, regardless of what it says. So thank you to the agents for taking the time to respond to my query letter.

Book 2

I have also started on book 2 again. I am a little more than halfway. I stopped writing to do the final editing on my first book (which is finally done!)

It feels absolutely fantastic to be back to the actual writing part. I learned a lot during the editing process and I see how vital it is, but creating the story is definitely my favorite part. And note to self, All future editing is to be done by me alone.

FIRST REJECTION LETTER

I got my first rejection letter today. I don't know if that is a bad thing or a good thing that I heard back so soon. I was waiting for the standard 4-8 week reply. But I am grateful for the reply. And one can tell that I am a newbie at the query process because I am so excited to have gotten a response.

Basically the agent just told me that she didn't think that she was the best agent for my project but she wished me the best of luck with my search for an agent. I thought that was very nice of her, but maybe that is just a standard reply and I am just being overly excited.

As you can guess I am smiling like a damn fool. I always said that I couldn't wait for my first rejection letter and now I finally have one. Luckily for me it was a nice one. It could have been worse.

But I am still smiling.

TOO LATE TO TURN BACK NOW!

I did it. I finally did it. I sent away my first 6 query letters.

I am suddenly very nervous and now I get what you mean Heather, when you say ''THE WAITING IS THE HARDEST PART''. Because I have OCD, I am driving myself crazy with thoughts like, did I address it properly? Did I write my query letter properly or is my manuscript any good? But it is out there now so I will see what happens.

The funny thing is that nobody except the people whom I have queried and the few people that actually read my blog knows about me starting my querying process. I decided to keep it a secret from my family. I don't need them stressing me out or judging me at the moment. Ignorance is bliss, right?

I am going to try my best to forget about those 6 queries and go on with life as usual (yeah right!). I have to if I expect to remain sane for the next 2 months. That's how long query responses can take (if you get a response back at all) and sometimes even longer. So patience, which has never been one of my virtues, will have to be my new companion.

I guess watching MMA is not such a good idea for me. It makes me all confident and brave. Then I start sending out query letters without planning to. Stupid or is it about time?

I personally think it is a mixture of both. I just wanted to start submitting already, but the controlling part of me wanted to wait till every little detail was perfect, which is ironic because to me there will always be something to fix. But I am going to shut up now and go do something to distract me.

GUILTY LITTLE PLEASURE

As everybody knows...I am taking a little bit of a break before finishing my second project. So in the mean time I have had time to do all the things I have been setting aside for myself and even picking up on a few new trends (or in my case guilty pleasures).

I am addicted to watching American Mixed Martial Arts (MMA). And No...I am not joking. I used to watch a match here or there on the Internet and I even used to watch Bully Beatdown Religiously. But I stopped because Bully Beatdown ended and I needed to finish my book. But lately there has been no excuses to stop me from googling my favorite fighters and watching some of their fights that I have missed.

And No...I don't just watch it for the violence. I sort of use all the testosterone for fights scenes in my book but minus the large amount of grappling. The only person the Hero in my book will straddle beneath him will hopefully be my heroine.

But Yes. I am a big Jason ''Mayhem'' Miller and Andrei ''The Pitbull'' Arlovski fan. Now I just hope I can stop watching old fights so that I can go back to reality.

GIRL POWER

Me, my mom and two sisters got a bit down and dirty with the power tools as we did yet another one of my moms little renovating projects. I am covered in sawdust but playing around with a few power tools is well worth it. It makes me feel all tough.

My brother, of course, was off on yet another one of his spiritual adventures (not that I have a problem with religion) but it is good that we females do handy work for ourselves. We learn to be independent and why wait for a man to do it for you when you can just as easily do it yourself? At least that is what I say. I love my brother but I can't always wait around for him to do stuff for me.

Apparently our next project is painting my one sisters room this weekend. I can't even slip away or use my "I'm sorry I am writing'' excuse because they saw me celebrate as I printed up my manuscript last night. What an idiot I can be sometimes.

So that whole rest and take it easy thing is out the window for me. But book number two is already in the works. Just taking a bit more time off before I begin again.

MY PERSONAL ''MUST HAVE''

I have just finished reading The Art Of War For Writers by James Scott Bell. And I found it to be a good book to have regardless of what stage of your writing you are at in your life. Whether you are a beginner or a professional writer, it doesn't matter. He explains everyday scenarios very well and I personally learned a lot of new things too.

He tells you plainly what life as a professional writer is like and he even talks about how to survive and prosper as an aspiring writer. In my personal opinion I think it is a must have, especially if you are anything like me. I constantly feel lost in this whole journey of trying to get published and some days I just don't know how to handle certain problems.

Just thought I should share this.

BABY STEPS

Tonight I printed my newly edited manuscript to have it proofread and I was all emotional. I felt like and idiot but it also felt like such a big achievement. It has truly become my baby.

I am reveling in the smell of printer ink and smiling at the burning sensation at the tips of my fingers from my newly acquired paper cuts. Thanks to the sorting of various chapters to make it easier to read. The sound of the crisp white pages shuffling, still sings a song in my head. Oh, the memory.

I know what you are thinking ''Did this woman take her medication this morning?''. But it is just a big thing to me. I am one step closer to my goal which is to start querying agents.

Baby steps, little baby steps...but I am getting there.

THAT'S A WRAP!

I am finally done with my editing (loud scream for effect).

It has taken me a while but I am done. I must say I am relieved. It was becoming like the never ending battle. Even though I still have to give the finished product to my romance novel loving sister to proofread. Even then I can just tweak it where ever she might have encountered a problem but the ''working through the novel with a fine tooth comb'' part is finally over.

Must say that I did learn a lot during the whole process. The next novel I write will definitely have the proper formatting and I will apply all the new knowledge I have learned to my next project. So editing the next novel should be easier, in theory.

I am just smiling like a fool right now. Well I am off to get my much deserved sleep.