IN NEED OF SOME GOOD READING MATERIAL

I am in need of some good reading material. I need some fantasy to escape. I am rather a creature of habit. When I like certain authors then I will only read their books. But now I am in need of new authors to read and books to enjoy.

Only problem is that our local library is not very well stocked and most of the bookshops are very expensive. I don't mind paying a lot of money for a good book. But one mistake I usually make is that after I bought a book, it doesn't read as well as it did in the shop and I don't seem able to get past the first three chapters. I suppose you can say I am a fussy reader. If I don't like a certain writing style or the voice in which the author writes, I won't the finish a book no matter how much I paid for it.

I never read a lot in the bookshops because of the way the clerks always glare at you but next time I will simply just not give a damn. Because there is no way I am spending another dime on a book that sucks.

BAD HAIR DAY

I had a very bad hair day. I looked like a crazy person. My hair simply just had a mind of it's own. I got a professional flatiron for Christmas to tame my naturally curly hair and today of all days not even the flatiron could do it's job.

My hair smells burnt, nothing like shampoo and conditioner. I felt very self-conscious. What made it worse was the way everyone stared. Luckily I found a rubber band in my bag and tied the whole mess back. If only I could have used the paper clips as a way to manage the fly aways.

When anger is connected to your tear ducts

I am embarrassed to admit it but it seems my anger is connected to my tear ducts. My brother shouted at me in public a few days ago and I felt upset and after a few minutes, when the event played back in my mind and I became even more infuriated, did I notice tears welling up in my eyes.

I usually don't cry easily, but my family members, my brother especially has a way of making you feel very small and insignificant. My unimpressive employment history makes it even easier to hit a sore spot. But most importantly, my brother is the kind of guy you don't show any form of weakness, because he is the type that can eat you alive and at that moment the tears could not be helped.

We are still not talking to each other. The whole house has a weird vibe and my brother does not seem to act as if he did anything wrong. I refuse to talk to him if that is going to be his attitude towards me. I might be an underachiever, but I am a human being dammit and just because he is my brother doesn't mean he can treat me like shit.

ARE YOU ON SOMETHING?

People at work are dumbfounded with my attitude. They seem to think I am a happy person because I am always friendly and smiling, but it is just part of my job. Even my family want to know if I am on something, for me to be so happy.

But truth be told, I am only smiling because for the first time ever I finally know where I belong. Among my fellow writers. I don't know any of the ladies whose blogs I follow very well but I can relate to them. I understand what they are going through and never ever have I ever been able to relate to other human beings before, not even my own family. So this is a major break through for me.

I am not naturally a happy person nor am I a very positive person, but since I took up my writing again, I became a more positive person. Believe you me, I have days that I am very sad and down for no particular reason, but the next day I will force myself to smile and be happy. I was in a very dark place emotionally for many years, I suffered from depression and I know what it feels like to be so low in life that you can't face the world, let alone your own family. I refuse to ever go back to such a dark place again. Therefore, I smile and force myself to be positive no matter what. I became a stronger person and I matured a lot too. And I have an endless supply of darkness in my memory banks that I can tap into if my writing ever requires it.

BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID

My family recently started taking interest in my writing. Which of course has me worried. What is with the sudden interest?
My oldest sister, the avid reader, I would say is probably the most supportive at the moment. Even she was a bit sceptical at the binning. But even my brother the most judgemental one is asking me how far my first novel is from submission. It is really weird. My mother and my other sister, the chef, can't understand why I keep writing. I might never get published and I might never make more then 25c off my writing, but yet I still write.

Just the other day my brother told me that I can write but to not embarrass him by writing crap. So with my family I think you have to take the sweet with the sour. We are a pretty old fashioned family and in our country becoming a successful fiction writer is unheard of. So, if I want to submit my work I will have to submit it overseas, which just reduces my chances even further. Because if American agents don't want to accept most American authors, what are the chances they will want to accept work from a girl from South Africa? Very slim, but still I am going to try.

I love my family a lot and I truly understand their concerns, but I have to keep on writing, no matter how hard it gets. Maybe they are supporting me now, but will they still support me when the rejection letters come in? I think not, but I refuse to let their prejudices keep me down. After all, what do I have to lose?

NEW ATTEMPT AT A WRITING SCHEDULE

I think my creativity might be back. I finished a whole chapter yesterday and I felt very relieved. I put on my favorite music and the ideas just came by themselves. I am also going to try a new writing schedule.

I am no longer going to try and write at work, no matter how much time I have. It is too irritating and I don't feel relaxed there. I will still take my little notebook and scribble some ideas in there, but no more attempts to finish scenes. And when I get home, no matter how tired and unmotivated I feel, I will have to write. I need to finish this second book.

That might sound simple but it has been hard these past two weeks to get myself to do any of it. I even started counting my calories again full steam and I already lost 1 kg. So, I am happy all around.

My sister, the chef, recently got an article published in our local magazine. I am very proud of her. She worked hard to get what she wanted and now she is finally head chef, getting articles written about her and everything. What is really good for her career is that the whole country reads that magazine religiously, so her future looks very bright.

EXAM RESULTS

The results are in People! I passed. I got 92%, can you believe it? I sure can't. I am so happy and so very grateful that I passed. I was getting worried. But thanks to everyone for their belief in me and the well wishes.