TOO MUCH PASSION!

I went to the Doctor yesterday and his diagnosis was stress. Well I don't think it is stress but he's the Doctor right? Anyway, my mom and my brother seems to think that I should stop writing. They feel that it is my writing that is causing my stress. I of course, like the rebel that I am, disagree. I think that my writing is the only thing keeping me from falling apart. It's my comfort blanket so to speak.

There is no way that I am giving it up or stopping again. I made that mistake before and still regret it to this day.

My one sister thinks I get the headaches because I am too passionate. She thinks that I pour too much energy into everything that I do. I can't help it. If I do something I want to be sure it is done to the best of my ability and that it is as perfect as I could make it. Maybe my sister is right. Maybe I am too passionate. Because I do put a lot of emotion into every word I write. But all writers do that right?

I am just not a half hearted woman. When I love, I love with my whole heart and when I care about something I care with all of my being. Is that really such a crime? Is that not what living is all about? There are very few things (even fewer people) I truly care about. But when I do find something or someone I care about I hold onto it. So yes, I can be a little too passionate but that is who I am.

So now I am on all kinds of medication to relieve my symptoms. But at the moment I feel as if I am in some weird daze. I feel as if I can't focus and I am just unbelievably tired which I wasn't before. If anything, I think it is my frustration with my job that is really driving me crazy. Just sitting there...waiting for the phone to ring and then getting attitude from all kinds of people the whole day long is enough to give anyone a series of headaches right?

I just hope I stop having the headaches sometime soon. I don't want to have another discussion about my writing and more importantly I don't want to pay the Doctor anymore money to tell me I am stressed.

I try not to think of the other query letters that I sent out last week (which I have not gotten a reply from yet). I don't want to drive myself crazy. I try to read a lot to distract myself. And I even agreed to spend a few minutes a day with my punching bag. My brother bought a treadmill so maybe physical activity can keep me preoccupied and stress free.

What's new?

I have recently added the presence of a stress ball to my life. And no, it is not just because of the latest stress of submitting my MS, but also because apparently my work and work environment causes stress for me. I drive all my colleagues crazy because I am not content just squeezing the life out of the little ball. No, I play catch by myself and bounce it on my desk repeatedly.

I have been having problems with headaches since last Wednesday and for some strange reason they just won't go away. But I am going to the doctor tomorrow anyway so maybe stress isn't the reason for my headaches after all.

I also managed to do 10 minutes of kick boxing yesterday. I know it's not really an achievement but I didn't get a heart attack while doing it so that was an achievement on its own. But I won't lie. My body feels as if though it has been to war.

2nd REJECTION LETTER

Yeah, the post title says it all. I got my second rejection letter today. And like the first one it was a very nice rejection letter. Once again the agent said that she didn't think that she was the right agent for my project.

All I am thinking is ''Why are they responding so quickly?'' I know most writers wait months and months for a response and never get one. But seriously. Is it a good thing that agents respond within a day of me sending the query or is it a really bad thing? Is it so bad that they decided after the first sentence that they didn't like my writing?

Anyway, I am still smiling. Still pushing on. And I am very grateful for every response I get, regardless of what it says. So thank you to the agents for taking the time to respond to my query letter.

Book 2

I have also started on book 2 again. I am a little more than halfway. I stopped writing to do the final editing on my first book (which is finally done!)

It feels absolutely fantastic to be back to the actual writing part. I learned a lot during the editing process and I see how vital it is, but creating the story is definitely my favorite part. And note to self, All future editing is to be done by me alone.

FIRST REJECTION LETTER

I got my first rejection letter today. I don't know if that is a bad thing or a good thing that I heard back so soon. I was waiting for the standard 4-8 week reply. But I am grateful for the reply. And one can tell that I am a newbie at the query process because I am so excited to have gotten a response.

Basically the agent just told me that she didn't think that she was the best agent for my project but she wished me the best of luck with my search for an agent. I thought that was very nice of her, but maybe that is just a standard reply and I am just being overly excited.

As you can guess I am smiling like a damn fool. I always said that I couldn't wait for my first rejection letter and now I finally have one. Luckily for me it was a nice one. It could have been worse.

But I am still smiling.

TOO LATE TO TURN BACK NOW!

I did it. I finally did it. I sent away my first 6 query letters.

I am suddenly very nervous and now I get what you mean Heather, when you say ''THE WAITING IS THE HARDEST PART''. Because I have OCD, I am driving myself crazy with thoughts like, did I address it properly? Did I write my query letter properly or is my manuscript any good? But it is out there now so I will see what happens.

The funny thing is that nobody except the people whom I have queried and the few people that actually read my blog knows about me starting my querying process. I decided to keep it a secret from my family. I don't need them stressing me out or judging me at the moment. Ignorance is bliss, right?

I am going to try my best to forget about those 6 queries and go on with life as usual (yeah right!). I have to if I expect to remain sane for the next 2 months. That's how long query responses can take (if you get a response back at all) and sometimes even longer. So patience, which has never been one of my virtues, will have to be my new companion.

I guess watching MMA is not such a good idea for me. It makes me all confident and brave. Then I start sending out query letters without planning to. Stupid or is it about time?

I personally think it is a mixture of both. I just wanted to start submitting already, but the controlling part of me wanted to wait till every little detail was perfect, which is ironic because to me there will always be something to fix. But I am going to shut up now and go do something to distract me.

GUILTY LITTLE PLEASURE

As everybody knows...I am taking a little bit of a break before finishing my second project. So in the mean time I have had time to do all the things I have been setting aside for myself and even picking up on a few new trends (or in my case guilty pleasures).

I am addicted to watching American Mixed Martial Arts (MMA). And No...I am not joking. I used to watch a match here or there on the Internet and I even used to watch Bully Beatdown Religiously. But I stopped because Bully Beatdown ended and I needed to finish my book. But lately there has been no excuses to stop me from googling my favorite fighters and watching some of their fights that I have missed.

And No...I don't just watch it for the violence. I sort of use all the testosterone for fights scenes in my book but minus the large amount of grappling. The only person the Hero in my book will straddle beneath him will hopefully be my heroine.

But Yes. I am a big Jason ''Mayhem'' Miller and Andrei ''The Pitbull'' Arlovski fan. Now I just hope I can stop watching old fights so that I can go back to reality.