I CAN SEE THE LIGHT!

My pity party is finally over. Whew! I decided to pull myself together. Actually, when I woke up this morning I didn't feel as if the veil of gloom was hanging over me. I felt refreshed and ready to go.

I was so upset last night that when I sat down to write my horror scene, I ended up writing about something completely different and I finished 2 chapters.

My day at work was also better. I worked with two other ladies and they were a lot more helpful and we just worked well together. They didn't allow me to feel overwhelmed or stressed. My prayers were answered.

So back to reality.

THE HITS JUST KEEP ON COMING!

As I was driving to and from work today, people kept on trying to kill me. Seriously! This one guy cuts in in front of me just as I was preparing to take my turn off and as I was driving home a truck almost drives over me, because I didn't feel like driving in front of oncoming traffic. There were far to many cars speeding and I didn't want to end up killed.

Speaking of killed. My one cousin (from my moms side) lost her husband in a car crash yesterday. A truck smashed into his car. He was a sweet man.

To top everything off, I felt like a complete moron today. I didn't know what was going on most of the time and I kept messing stuff up. When I got to work this morning everyone was bombarding me with questions I didn't know any of the damn answers too!

I am so angry with myself right now. Why couldn't I have chosen a better degree program? How the hell did I get to be so damn low down the career ladder?

I think I am going to go write a horror scene now. One where I go to work with a chainsaw and hack everyone to pieces slowly (big smile). Yep, sounds like a damn fine plan to me.

WARNING! PITY PARTY AHEAD!!

Did you ever feel as if you are drowning in negativity? As if there is a heavy weight on your heart and you struggle to breath? You are trying to recover from one blow and then another hits you from behind, when you least expect it. Then there's the adding to an already heavy load.

That's me today. If you are having a similar day to mine then I advise you not to read further because I am feeling damn sorry for myself.

I went to the College, where I am suppose to start work tomorrow, and if you are anything like my mother you can probably guess that I didn't like it. It just doesn't feel right. The whole experience feels like a big punch to the gut. Not to mention the way people keep referring to me as the new temporary girl.

I went to church yesterday and the people there made me feel unwelcome and I felt awkward. I have been going to the same church since I was born and I will admit I don't go to church regularly but it doesn't mean I don't have faith. I believe in God and a power much greater than myself. I feel closer to God on my own than I do in my church. I know a lot of you will hate me for saying that.

I just have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have had it since the beginning of the new year and I just can't shake it. Every time something awful happens to me I feel like it is the end of the world and I know it is not. It just feels like it.

I got two more rejection letters. No surprise there. I got this weird feeling last week. The little voice in my head said ''Send away a few more queries. Do it. Do It!'' And hell, I did it, with disastrous results. The rejections didn't really get me down but the time they arrived I was already having a lot of personal problems and it just broke me.

I am not writing anymore. I am at a blank wall. I truly feel as if I am just drowning at the moment. I am making everyone around me miserable.

I am doubting my talent as a writer too. I just feel like a wanna-be at the moment. My brother bought me, The Guide to Literary Agents 2011 and The Writers Market 2011 for my birthday. He really wants me to succeed and my whole family is really supportive now. Their support is coming at a time when I am at my least creative and when I am having the most doubt about my writing and the fact if I have any talent at all. Ironic.

I LOVE DAYS LIKE THESE

Today was a very special day for me and I enjoyed it even more because I spent it with my wonderful family. They do give me a lot of crap and they do drive me crazy but they are always there for me when it counts. Not to mention that they are always ready and willing to pick up the pieces when I fall apart.

I feel really blessed and I am ashamed to say that I do at times take them for granted.

I am also starting a new job on Tuesday. I will be working at a college, at the bursary department. I am not sure what the job entails, but I start training on Tuesday and it is only for a month, so yeah, good day all round.

DIFFERANCE IN WHO I WRITE FOR

Last night was unbearably hot. I couldn’t sleep and while I was tossing and turning I realized something. I am amateur at writing! It is not a bad thing. Because I know why I say that.

Every aspiring writer has to answer one basic question. Who is your target audience?

What do I mean by that? Well simply stated, do you write for yourself or do you write to one day be a published author, thus writing for others?

I am an amateur writer because even though I have been writing for more than 10 years, I only started writing for other people, 1 year ago. All my previous work had been written by me—for me. I never intended for anybody else to read it and I surely never thought about ever publishing my work.

In December 2009 I finished writing the first draft of my first novel. I thought that it was good and that I wanted to publish it. My one sister insisted that I should think of pursuing publishing. I spent most of 2010 editing and writing up more drafts of the same book. I thought I was doing splendidly and when it was time for the querying process I learned how far I was off the pace.

When you write for yourself there are fewer rules. The only rule is to follow your own rules. Therefore, I always wrote long hand, thus, I never bothered to check spelling and grammar. I never needed to worry about the type of font or font size I was using. There was no need to know which genre I was writing for or who my target audience was. My goal was to write the stories I wanted to—how I wanted to—anyway I wanted to. So I guess I sacrificed a lot of technique and finer details in the end.

When I finally decided I wanted to write to be published, I thought I could get away with my previous approach of writing and as you know I didn’t. Writing novels fit for publication is hard. It basically pushes everything you did while writing for yourself, right out of the window.

Here are a few differences I noted:

I started writing my manuscripts on the computer.

I had to learn to add 1 inch margins to my entire manuscript.

Did I mention double spacing my manuscript for submission?

I had to know that I had to indent every first sentence of every paragraph ( go to Microsoft word—right click—go to paragraph—Go to indentation—Go to special and select first line).

I had to reintroduce myself to the rules of grammar and spelling.

I had to learn to edit and edit some more and when I thought I had edited enough, I had to edit again.

I had to learn more about the actual art of writing because till very recently I discovered I didn’t know much. I still have a problem with things like showing and telling, not to mention keeping in mind the different writing styles.

I had to learn to write a synopsis and query letter.


The good thing is that I now know what I did wrong before and I can make changes. I can seek out ways to improve my skill level of writing. That, I think, is the best part about life. You are consistently learning new things all the time. Everything is constantly changing.

I am even trying to find out more about publishing. I would like to educate myself. Before I just thought ''all I have to do is submit my novel, because surely someone will love it and then they will publish it! I will be a writer and I can live happily ever after.'' Man, was I wrong!

So basically, if you want to be published you have to abide by the rules of the publishing world. And basically everyone is looking for well written ( polished and ready to go to print as is) manuscripts.

And if you just want to write for yourself—not caring about all the publishing stuff...then good for you! Keep up what you are doing. Enjoy it and don't stop, not matter what.

HELL ON EARTH!

It is fiery hot here people! Seriously, it is 32 ◦C inside the house and no I am not joking. What makes it bad is that it is a very dry heat . It is like the very air you breath is warm and there is not even a hint of a cool summer breeze. I have been living in the same town all my life and every summer, I swear, it just gets hotter and hotter.

Why is the heat relevant you ask? Well, I can't seem to think in this heat. I am just sitting in front of the fan and drinking cold water. I can't imagine how the reproduction rate here—could be so high, honestly. It is scorching and you are sweating like a pig on a hot plate. The last thing I want is another hot sweaty body anywhere near me. But I guess where there is a will, there is a way. And no, contrary to what people believe about South Africa, we are not primitive people running around in loin cloths with wild animals running around. Our wildlife are in wildlife reserves and believe it or not, most of the species are endangered at the moment. So you will be very lucky if you see any wildlife that isn't a springbok, zebra or any other form of a four legged herbivore, walking around anywhere in South Africa.

We have busy cities and towns just like anywhere else in the world. And like most of the world we also have very rural areas where people prefer a more primitive kind of lifestyle. I personally think the Western Cape is the best part of the country, yes because I was born and raised here, but also because even though we have big cities and stuff, it is not as fast paced as other provinces in the country. Besides, it is beautiful here and everyone else in South Africa, comes here for a holiday. The Western Cape is just the place to be. And yes, it can be very hot in the summer.

I guess if any other South Africans from other provinces read this, I will be getting a lot of hate mail. There is a constant rivalry between the people of different parts of South Africa. Because each province thinks they are the best and well...you get the picture. But it's not a violent type of rivalry, just a verbal one, so don't worry.

Anyway, I am going to try and resume my guitar lessons. I quite after my brother was hospitalized last year, so I am finally resuming my lessons, a year later. I am embracing my creativity and driving my brother crazy while doing it (big smile). My brother once told me, right before starting college, ''You can be anything you want, but just don't come to me one day and tell me you are an artist type person''. Ha! Ha! Ha! I am sure you can put aspiring writer under a artist type person.

Anyway, enjoy the rest of your day. And Unfortunately for some...I will be back soon. HA! HA! Ha!

DE-BULKING IS DONE!

I finally finished the reshaping of my novel. I started out with 145 000 words and I am proud to say that I brought it down to 106 000 words.

I had to end the novel at a very earlier stage but seeing that it is the first book of a planned series, I guess it is ok. There will just be a lot more editing for the second book, seeing that the book will continue where the first one ended.

I kept the first one light and it only has romantic elements, where the second one is more of a love story. So I am not sure if I can classify something as a paranormal romance novel if it only has romantic elements. But I will figure that out.

I am not sure what my New approach is for my blog. Everyone is either spicing up or changing their blogs. I am aiming to get a few more followers on my blog this year. But first I have to think of ways to make my blog interesting or worth reading. I don't think my blog is very good and my small following, I think, is kind of proof of that.

So if the posts are a bit dreary, don't worry I am thinking of ways to make it better.