DREAMING

When ever I heard someone tell me that I had to follow my dreams and if I did that my dreams would come true, I always just ignored the advice and thought this person must be crazy. But today I actually realized how true that saying is.

No, not all our dreams will come true exactly how we planned, but, those dreams are what keeps us motivated and inspired. It gives us something to strive for. Today I realized, after not writing for a few days (blogging doesn't count), how easy it is to just give up on that dream. One of my many dreams is to be a successfully published author. And after working at my current job, where I constantly feel overwhelmed by inquiries and demands, it is all too easy to say ''I am too tired to write today or pursue this treacherous query process any further. If it was meant to be it will be.''

I felt like that today, but almost immediately I reminded myself that this is something I really want. I am not the type of person that will feel fulfilled with a 9-5 desk job. I have far too much things going on in my head. So it is not that stupid to do everything in your human power to try and makes your dreams come true. If we don't have our dreams then what do we have?

It is the thing that stops us from becoming bitter and hopeless. It is the thing that stops me from just fading into nothingness. So people, don't be afraid to dream big and don't be to proud to try your damnedest to make it come true.

WELCOME AND THANK YOU!

Welcome and thank you to Kristin Miller for following my blog! I am always excited and happy to have a new follower.

SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW AND NOTHING BORROWED

SOMETHING OLD
Had a horrific day at work today. I have never been so close to tears of anger as I have been today. I think I was more upset with the fact that I am not allowed to retaliate or defend myself when potential students or their parents are rude to me, but I should just have said my say and have had them fire me. I think I would have been happier but that would probably look bad on my CV, seeing that I wouldn't be able to use them as a reference.

SOMETHING NEW
Anyway, I finally finished the 2011 Guide to Literary Agents and it was a wonderful and insightful book, not to mention very helpful, seeing that I get tons of New Agencies I can possibly query. So I would recommend it to anyone who needs more help with their writing or who needs a more detailed lay out of how things work in the world of publishing. I will definitely do a bit more research and tweak my manuscript before querying again. I also read about agent pet peeves and I am guilty of a few things, for example:

Starting a scene with someone waking up from the sound of the alarm clock.

Having a bit too much narrative which tends to make the novel read slowly.

Not having a good balance between showing and telling.

Repetitive words or sentences. (Big problem for me).

Too much pointless dialogue.

NOTHING BORROWED
As you see I picked up quite a lot of things. I also rewrote my whole first chapter and it is almost just as terrible as my original first chapter. I also decided to rewrite my query letter and synopsis. I am definitely doing something wrong (besides that my first chapter sucks). Because there were a few agencies who just wanted a query letter, no synopsis or sample pages allowed and I wasn't even requested to provide a synopsis or anything afterward. So I am thinking that maybe my query letter isn't polite or professional enough. Apparently agents like queries where one's personality shines through and perhaps I give off the vibe that I don't have one or perhaps I come across as being too dull.

Anyway, I talk to much. Have a wonderful day and best of luck with which endeavours you attempt.

JUST A THOUGHT

The night air is warm but tolerable. The sun has faded and all that can be seen is the lights in the black sky. I sigh in relief, thankful that the night has come. For there is a comforting quiet all around. I feel as if I can hear the very breath of nature. She sounds content.
I suddenly hear the sounds of crickets and even they sound happy. As if they know something I do not. I smile, for I do enjoy this simple pleasure of natures company. Even though I feel it, I am never really alone. Nature is always around, blessing me with it's presence. For that, I am thankful.

Just a thought I had.

I CAN SEE THE LIGHT!

My pity party is finally over. Whew! I decided to pull myself together. Actually, when I woke up this morning I didn't feel as if the veil of gloom was hanging over me. I felt refreshed and ready to go.

I was so upset last night that when I sat down to write my horror scene, I ended up writing about something completely different and I finished 2 chapters.

My day at work was also better. I worked with two other ladies and they were a lot more helpful and we just worked well together. They didn't allow me to feel overwhelmed or stressed. My prayers were answered.

So back to reality.

THE HITS JUST KEEP ON COMING!

As I was driving to and from work today, people kept on trying to kill me. Seriously! This one guy cuts in in front of me just as I was preparing to take my turn off and as I was driving home a truck almost drives over me, because I didn't feel like driving in front of oncoming traffic. There were far to many cars speeding and I didn't want to end up killed.

Speaking of killed. My one cousin (from my moms side) lost her husband in a car crash yesterday. A truck smashed into his car. He was a sweet man.

To top everything off, I felt like a complete moron today. I didn't know what was going on most of the time and I kept messing stuff up. When I got to work this morning everyone was bombarding me with questions I didn't know any of the damn answers too!

I am so angry with myself right now. Why couldn't I have chosen a better degree program? How the hell did I get to be so damn low down the career ladder?

I think I am going to go write a horror scene now. One where I go to work with a chainsaw and hack everyone to pieces slowly (big smile). Yep, sounds like a damn fine plan to me.

WARNING! PITY PARTY AHEAD!!

Did you ever feel as if you are drowning in negativity? As if there is a heavy weight on your heart and you struggle to breath? You are trying to recover from one blow and then another hits you from behind, when you least expect it. Then there's the adding to an already heavy load.

That's me today. If you are having a similar day to mine then I advise you not to read further because I am feeling damn sorry for myself.

I went to the College, where I am suppose to start work tomorrow, and if you are anything like my mother you can probably guess that I didn't like it. It just doesn't feel right. The whole experience feels like a big punch to the gut. Not to mention the way people keep referring to me as the new temporary girl.

I went to church yesterday and the people there made me feel unwelcome and I felt awkward. I have been going to the same church since I was born and I will admit I don't go to church regularly but it doesn't mean I don't have faith. I believe in God and a power much greater than myself. I feel closer to God on my own than I do in my church. I know a lot of you will hate me for saying that.

I just have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have had it since the beginning of the new year and I just can't shake it. Every time something awful happens to me I feel like it is the end of the world and I know it is not. It just feels like it.

I got two more rejection letters. No surprise there. I got this weird feeling last week. The little voice in my head said ''Send away a few more queries. Do it. Do It!'' And hell, I did it, with disastrous results. The rejections didn't really get me down but the time they arrived I was already having a lot of personal problems and it just broke me.

I am not writing anymore. I am at a blank wall. I truly feel as if I am just drowning at the moment. I am making everyone around me miserable.

I am doubting my talent as a writer too. I just feel like a wanna-be at the moment. My brother bought me, The Guide to Literary Agents 2011 and The Writers Market 2011 for my birthday. He really wants me to succeed and my whole family is really supportive now. Their support is coming at a time when I am at my least creative and when I am having the most doubt about my writing and the fact if I have any talent at all. Ironic.