WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW...

Everyone that has been checking in on my blog these days will know that I have been in a pretty terrible mood. I have been really down and just depressed really. Well, that is just the state of mind I was in when I wrote my first book. I used writing to uplift my mood and when I got up this morning, I wanted to start the re-writes on my second book.

It was a lot easier for me to fall back into the writing process and to connect with the characters. I don’t know why there was a sudden shift in this mental/writers block thing that I have had for the past few months. Whatever made my character change their mind and come out and play again, I am grateful.

The first step I took was deleting three chapters that were not making the story exciting and it was making the story drag on a bit. Now I just have to keep up the progress. I guess eating breakfast everyday this week has definitely helped.

What is up or new with you?

INSECURITY IS NORMAL

I have found that insecurity is pretty normal and I cannot imagine one person living their life without having some type of insecurity. When it comes to being a writer, it is only fair that most of us worry about our work being good enough, or whether our writing peers would think of us as equals, or whether they would just flat out laugh at us.

My point being that I have so many writing insecurities, that there is not enough time for me to talk about all of them in this post. So if you know that you are struggling with some type of insecurity, instead of freaking out about it, own up to it and realize that it makes you unique and then try and find solutions for it. I tend to care too much about what other people will think of my work, that most times I drive myself crazy.

Just because you are insecure about something, does not mean that you are any less human or any less of a writer.

The Insecure Writers Support Group was created by the wonderful and talented author and blogger, Alex J. Cavanaugh. You guys can visit Alex over at http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com.

ZIP THOSE LIPS

I have been really down lately, but because I like you guys so much, I realize that sometimes I should not post all my negative thoughts on here. There are so many of you that are going through worse things than me and the last thing you want to read about, is someone else going on and on about her problems.

I have started a new anitiative at home, that I am suppose to eat breakfast every morning. Most of you will probably think that this is a no brainer, but I do not like breakfast, it is my least favorite meal of the day, which is why most days I skip it. I think it will do wonders for my mood and maybe it will be good for my brain as well.

On the writing front, there is nothing new with me, unfortunately. But what are you guys up to?

I GUESS I DESERVE IT

In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that I am now a freelance writer with www.Elance.com and having been there for more than a month, I can say that they are a professional website that really does give you access to the best online jobs out there. I have had one dream client to date and my payment was pretty reasonable. 

One problem that I do have, is that we have to continuously bid for new work and then the client chooses who they wish to work with. The thing is, it basically comes down to luck and I have the worst luck, like ever. People that have less freelancing experience is getting more jobs than I am. Not to mention that people that are just as new as me, if not newer to the Elance experience, is working on a regular basis, while I am left worrying about where this months salary is going to come from. 

When it comes to day jobs, I have surely had a few and all of them were pretty out there and with questionable employers. Now I am wondering if I did not do a stupid thing by deciding to work as a freelancer, instead of going to work at my local grocery store for a regular monthly income. Yes, I am an educated woman with a bachelors degree in agriculture, which I am unable to use by the way, but so what? There are better qualified people out there in the world that do normal everyday jobs.

I liked freelancing because I could do it from home, but it has left me with less time for novel writing and right now, my favourite and best loved characters seem like strangers to me and that just kills my moral.

Right now I just feel really down and out because I am broke and the life I could always flee to for escape, my novel writing, is not as welcoming as it used to be. I feel like a turned my back on something that I loved and now writers block is my punishment.  

Depressed is the only feeling I am feeling right now. Once again my mother is right, because she always tells me that writing does not pay the bills and right now, for me, that is absolutely true.

WHEN YOU LOSE TOUCH

As you know, I am dying to hear back from a literary agent about my partial manuscript. But, when I decided to start editing my second book, which follows on the first, I found it impossible to connect with the characters or the story.

Don't get me wrong, I love my characters. I have spent two years working on them. But then I have also spent another year working on other stories in the meantime. Now I have the trouble of getting back in touch with characters that I have already decided to forget about, because I thought that nobody was interested in them or the story any more. After all, I have a ton of rejection letters saying so.

So now I am wondering, how do I get back in touch with my characters to write the second draft of the second book. Right now I feel like I don't know them and I have no connection to what I had written previously. I have been emotionally shoved around and around and now I don't know which end is up, when it comes to my novel writing.

I think I just need to read through it and figure out what is going on. Maybe I just need to spend some quality time with these impossible characters. If I must be honest, I think they are giving me the silent treatment.

HANGING IN THERE

Sorry that I have not blogged for a few days. I had a deadline that I had to meet and I was just not making the progress that I needed to.

I didn't want to tell you guys this, in case I jinxed myself, but an agent has requested a partial of my first book. I must admit, that it is all very exciting. I can barely sleep, anticipating the email that will change my writing future forever. I just hope that my work is good enough that she wishes to represent me. I know this is really premature, but I am ready to be a published author. Mentally, I am ready for the leap.

So, what is new in your lives?

WRITING IS TOUGH

When I read about various published authors saying that writing is a tough profession, I did not want to believe them. Somehow I thought that when I become a professional writer, it would somehow be different and right now, it isn’t.

Don’t get me wrong, I love writing. I just wish to confirm to everybody else who like me, thought that writing is not a tough profession, that it actually is. As a freelancer, I work long hours and I have to complete assignments that seem nearly impossible to finish, in a short time span. At times you feel like you just want to give up, but when that project is done, you could not be prouder and you cannot wait to start project two.

If you really want to be a writer, than make friends with patience and frustration. Not to mention solitude and determination. In the end, the only way you can truly achieve the goals you set for yourself as a writer, is to push on regardless of the feedback you get. You have to believe in yourself completely, even when others doubt your potential, because in the end, you will be the only one that believes in yourself enough to keep on writing regardless. You have to know you have the potential to achieve your goals, even when others do not seem to believe.

The Insecure Writers Support Group was created by the wonderful and talented author and blogger, Alex J. Cavanaugh. You guys can visit Alex over at http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com.