GOOD DAY

It is raining here and I am sitting next to the fire, eating a home made cinnamon bun, which I must say, tastes better than any store bought one I have ever had. As I am enjoying the heat of the fire and the sweetness of the cinnamon bun, I am left thinking of what it is that I truly want to accomplish with my writing. Why is it that I completely stress myself out about not being able to publish my book?

I am just wondering if one day that I do get my book published, if I would finally be happy and the truth is, I don't know. In truth I never knew I could be good enough to have my work published until my sister told me to try. The idea that my work could be read and loved by others is just too much to pass up, honestly.

For now, I am just happy sitting by the fire and eating the rest of my cinnamon bun. I will let tomorrow worry about itself. All I can do is keep querying and hope someone thinks I am talented enough to help me achieve my dream of being published.

BEING GRATEFUL REALLY HELPS

I am actually enjoying the fact that my characters and I are finally communicating. So much so that they want the whole story to change, which just proves that they are serious divas.

I have really been struggling with a lot of stuff in my life and even though not everything is sorted out, I just woke up today and realized that I have so much to be grateful for. Yes, my life is a mess right now, but there are so many things and people that make my life worth living. You guys, all my blogging friends make it so worth it. Thank you for your support. 

Now that I am actually realising just how grateful I am, I find it a lot harder to sulk about anything else.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW...

Everyone that has been checking in on my blog these days will know that I have been in a pretty terrible mood. I have been really down and just depressed really. Well, that is just the state of mind I was in when I wrote my first book. I used writing to uplift my mood and when I got up this morning, I wanted to start the re-writes on my second book.

It was a lot easier for me to fall back into the writing process and to connect with the characters. I don’t know why there was a sudden shift in this mental/writers block thing that I have had for the past few months. Whatever made my character change their mind and come out and play again, I am grateful.

The first step I took was deleting three chapters that were not making the story exciting and it was making the story drag on a bit. Now I just have to keep up the progress. I guess eating breakfast everyday this week has definitely helped.

What is up or new with you?

INSECURITY IS NORMAL

I have found that insecurity is pretty normal and I cannot imagine one person living their life without having some type of insecurity. When it comes to being a writer, it is only fair that most of us worry about our work being good enough, or whether our writing peers would think of us as equals, or whether they would just flat out laugh at us.

My point being that I have so many writing insecurities, that there is not enough time for me to talk about all of them in this post. So if you know that you are struggling with some type of insecurity, instead of freaking out about it, own up to it and realize that it makes you unique and then try and find solutions for it. I tend to care too much about what other people will think of my work, that most times I drive myself crazy.

Just because you are insecure about something, does not mean that you are any less human or any less of a writer.

The Insecure Writers Support Group was created by the wonderful and talented author and blogger, Alex J. Cavanaugh. You guys can visit Alex over at http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com.

ZIP THOSE LIPS

I have been really down lately, but because I like you guys so much, I realize that sometimes I should not post all my negative thoughts on here. There are so many of you that are going through worse things than me and the last thing you want to read about, is someone else going on and on about her problems.

I have started a new anitiative at home, that I am suppose to eat breakfast every morning. Most of you will probably think that this is a no brainer, but I do not like breakfast, it is my least favorite meal of the day, which is why most days I skip it. I think it will do wonders for my mood and maybe it will be good for my brain as well.

On the writing front, there is nothing new with me, unfortunately. But what are you guys up to?

I GUESS I DESERVE IT

In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that I am now a freelance writer with www.Elance.com and having been there for more than a month, I can say that they are a professional website that really does give you access to the best online jobs out there. I have had one dream client to date and my payment was pretty reasonable. 

One problem that I do have, is that we have to continuously bid for new work and then the client chooses who they wish to work with. The thing is, it basically comes down to luck and I have the worst luck, like ever. People that have less freelancing experience is getting more jobs than I am. Not to mention that people that are just as new as me, if not newer to the Elance experience, is working on a regular basis, while I am left worrying about where this months salary is going to come from. 

When it comes to day jobs, I have surely had a few and all of them were pretty out there and with questionable employers. Now I am wondering if I did not do a stupid thing by deciding to work as a freelancer, instead of going to work at my local grocery store for a regular monthly income. Yes, I am an educated woman with a bachelors degree in agriculture, which I am unable to use by the way, but so what? There are better qualified people out there in the world that do normal everyday jobs.

I liked freelancing because I could do it from home, but it has left me with less time for novel writing and right now, my favourite and best loved characters seem like strangers to me and that just kills my moral.

Right now I just feel really down and out because I am broke and the life I could always flee to for escape, my novel writing, is not as welcoming as it used to be. I feel like a turned my back on something that I loved and now writers block is my punishment.  

Depressed is the only feeling I am feeling right now. Once again my mother is right, because she always tells me that writing does not pay the bills and right now, for me, that is absolutely true.

WHEN YOU LOSE TOUCH

As you know, I am dying to hear back from a literary agent about my partial manuscript. But, when I decided to start editing my second book, which follows on the first, I found it impossible to connect with the characters or the story.

Don't get me wrong, I love my characters. I have spent two years working on them. But then I have also spent another year working on other stories in the meantime. Now I have the trouble of getting back in touch with characters that I have already decided to forget about, because I thought that nobody was interested in them or the story any more. After all, I have a ton of rejection letters saying so.

So now I am wondering, how do I get back in touch with my characters to write the second draft of the second book. Right now I feel like I don't know them and I have no connection to what I had written previously. I have been emotionally shoved around and around and now I don't know which end is up, when it comes to my novel writing.

I think I just need to read through it and figure out what is going on. Maybe I just need to spend some quality time with these impossible characters. If I must be honest, I think they are giving me the silent treatment.