A CHOICE MADE

I handed in my resignation on Thursday and now I am once again unemployed. I suppose many of you are wondering why I would resign from one job before I even have another, but the truth is, I am not the person I was back in 2010 and 2011 and I am no longer happy with doing certain things.

With this job there was just too much responsibility, expectations and in truth, the salary was ridiculously low for the amount of work expected. In 2010 and 2011 I was happy to do the low paying, high stress job because I just wanted my career to start somewhere. Now I am 27 years old, I have been there and done that and I was supposed to move up career wise, not take two steps back.

I guess working as a freelance writer from September 2011 until November 2012 has changed me more than I thought possible. I now know that I want to be successful and I want to have pride in what I do. Things got so bad at this job that I couldn't sleep and I was completely stressed out all the time, which made me realize that I was losing myself. I was changing into someone I hated and my writing suffered. 

My family are trying to be supportive, but in truth a few of them are really disappointed in me. I feel really bad too because I couldn't stick it out like I did in 2010 and 2011 (doing the same job), but the job was ruining me. I made the choice and though I don't regret it, I feel guilty. This is the first time I ever quite and somehow my brain hasn't accepted that I won't be going to work tomorrow.

HERE IT IS AGAIN (IWSG)

The writing has not been going as I wanted, but I have lots of new ideas. I even have a few thoughts on how I am finally going to write my very first real short story. A real short story in the sense that I am going to stick to the word count of 7500 words or fewer, as my other supposed short stories have always been longer than that.

I know that my blog has not been really happy of late, but just because I am struggling to write or create does not mean that I don’t want you guys to achieve any of it either. I hope that all of you are writing and making your writing dreams come true. If the inspiration hits you, write. No matter if your pasta is burning or if the kids are drawing all over each other. I wish you guys all the best ideas and hope that the writing will just pour out of you. Until next time…

The Insecure Writers Support Group was created by the wonderful and talented author and blogger, Alex J. Cavanaugh. You guys can visit Alex over at http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com.

IMAGINARY FRIEND BLOGHOP ENTRY

I have been wrecking my brain the past few days trying to figure out what I could write that could be really entertaining, but though I tried to have an imaginary friend growing up, I was just never able to conjure one up, probably because I was never that creative.  Though, having said that, I was always good in tricking my younger cousin into believing that things existed and were present in the room, when they really weren't. I think because I was the older one, she just took me by my word and only when she became older, did she realize that either I was completely crazy, or I was trying to make her crazy.

I remember telling her once that some mythical creatures had called a secret meeting and that the two of us were invited and that she should stop doing her homework and come with me. She did and we spent a few minutes sitting in silence because I assured her the creatures were there, but she was too polite to say anything at the time. Did I mention we were only 7 or 8 years old at the time? Guess I had a flair for the dramatic back then. 

I can't remember whether I believed in the creatures too back then, or whether I was just a compulsive liar or something. I remember telling her these things, but I can't imagine or remember why. 

IT'S JUST LIKE THAT

I have never been the kind of person who did something just because someone else was doing it, or following fashion trends just because the entire world did. I was always my own person in a way and I guess in some way I still am. But one thing is for sure, being an individual can be very lonely and very difficult. Of course I am not just different for the sake of wanting to be special or anything. It is just that most things don't appeal to me the way it does to others. 

I don't always read books on the best-seller list because I don't like the writing styles or the genre of books just don't interest me and it is very likely that I won't even know most published writers, unless they wrote something I liked reading. Just because they are famous, does not mean I read their books. The same thing goes for everything else. I am not just going to like something because it is expected of me to like it. I like deciding for myself. 

I guess this post was inspired by someone at work asking me whether I was different because I wanted attention, or whether it was simply the way my mind worked. I don't think I am the attention seeking type, but I am who I am, if it is weird, so be it. I rather like that about myself. 

HANGING IN THERE

Things at work escalated drastically and although people wanted me to cry and be upset, I didn't give them the satisfaction. I am strong and staying tough. Saw surfer guy twice this week, once he said hi and the second time he asked to borrow my pen, which to you might not sound like much, but it is better than just smiling and saying nothing. Today he actually formed a complete sentence, which makes me wonder whether he thinks he is too cool to speak, or whether he really is that shy. I am trying to figure out why he always has a smirk on his face, like all the time.

Anyway, yesterday my boss asked me to help him load a few things unto a truck, when out of nowhere I see miss chatterbox walking with the surfer guy to his car, being all flirty and everything. Well, I can't blame the dude, she might be annoying but she is pretty and skinny, which I definitely am not and she is definitely not shy.

So now I am not even going to bother with surfer guy anymore, as he went straight to miss chatterbox's section of the cellar today and didn't even look my way once, even though he came by later on to speak one sentence, which was basically to enquire whether I knew where my boss was. But hey, I don't need the stress of worrying whether a guy likes me or not. Besides, I can't be upset because a guy can't look past my physical imperfections, when he is in very great physical shape, meaning his appearance is very important to him and he spends a lot of time on it, which I do not.

So for now, I'll just focus on work and hope that I can actually get some writing done. What are you up to?

SWITCHING OFF

I have been walking around like a crazy person the past few days, having a hundred thoughts rushing through my head at the same time and driving myself crazy in the process. It is just a side effect of having a stressful job and no way to switch off. Usually I write or listen to music and the past week I haven't done much of either.

So now my new challenge is to switch off and leave my work issues at work and when I go home, I have to do other stuff. I have never been good at that. I guess you can say that I have always been one of those really stressed out people, stressing about everything all the time. Even the fact that I am still waiting for a publisher to show any interest in my book, it too has not been enough of a distraction of late.

But I can report that there is a very attractive guy who stops by the cellar on and off, as he too is going to be making his own type of wine independently. He is a surfer and well...need I say more? Of course when I am at work I am professional and I just do my job. Though, he only ever says hello, but he does do it with a smile.

IMAGINARY FRIEND BLOGHOP

The wonderful and awesome Annalisa Crawford over at http://annalisacrawford.blogspot.com/ and Kyra Lennon, over at http://kyralennon.blogspot.com/ are hosting the Imaginary Friend Bloghop on the 1st of February 2013. 

So, all you have to do is write a post or a story about your imaginary friend on that day and if you didn't have one, like me, write about how you rather wished you had one, especially when you did something really bad and you wanted to blame someone else. 

There are also great prizes up for grabs and all you have to do to win one of them is to follow both Annalisa and Kyra's blog and of course, post your entry on 1 February. It is really that easy and if you want to sign up or find out a bit more about the Bloghop and the prizes up for grabs, then don't hesitate to stop by Annalisa or Kyra's blog, as mentioned and linked above.