I AM DEFINITELY LOSING IT

I wish I could just jank myself out of this writing slump. I know I have to write and I know what I want to write and that it is something that I want to do for the rest of my life, but for some reason I am just not writing. I get to my computer and nothing happens. These days I am more interested in catching up with movies I haven't watched or catching up on a favourite TV series. 

I guess I am sabotaging myself. I guess I thought that my first book would have found a publisher by now, but deep inside I know that these things take time and that there could be a big chance that my book might not sell at all. Right now I kind of feel like my writing is going nowhere. I know that is a really depressing way of thinking, especially if I have an agent, but I am realizing that things don't get any easier, even if you have an agent. There is only so much one person can actually do for a book. 

I started job hunting and you guys won't believe how many scams and scammers there are in the job market. Honestly, I applied for one job and then the possible employer wants to charge me money to buy a supposed manual, so that I can do my job. I fell for this 2 years ago and then found out it was a scam. The other scam is where supposed recruitment agencies require my CV, a photo of myself and all documentation with regards to my education and proof of qualifications. This might not sound bad, except for the fact that many of these recruitment agencies don't even exist, which I found out from Google, not to mention that I only applied for one job and suddenly all of these supposed recruitment agencies start spamming me with the same emails every day. I guess they use those documentation for identity theft. 

Well, I guess the upside to all of this is that my life never seems to be boring. Though, right now I would give almost anything for a quiet life. 

AWARDS FOR ME

I just received the Very Inspiring Blogger Award from the very talented and wonderful Al Diaz over at http://fatherdragon.blogspot.com. Al is new to blogging and he can really do with a few more blogger friends. Thank you for the award Al!

 

I also received the Versatile Blogger Award from the equally talented and awesome Linda King over at http://excusemewhileinotethatdown.blogspot.com/. Thank you so much Linda!

Both awards mention that I have to share 7 things about myself so here goes...

7 things about myself...

1. I want to get another tattoo, hopefully still this year, as the one I have feels lonely.

2. I am a lacto-ovo vegetarian.

3. Most of my writing gets done really late at night, because I find it hard to really focus during the day.

4. I am not a morning person, at all.

5. When I was 23, my sister and I lived in New Zealand for three months.

6. I get along with animals a lot better than I do with people most days.

7. I am so much of an introvert sometimes that I tend to isolate myself from family and friends for weeks on end.

Now, for passing these awards along...I hate picking favourites, so I am just going to post these awards on my blog for anyone to claim, if they want it.

A CHOICE MADE

I handed in my resignation on Thursday and now I am once again unemployed. I suppose many of you are wondering why I would resign from one job before I even have another, but the truth is, I am not the person I was back in 2010 and 2011 and I am no longer happy with doing certain things.

With this job there was just too much responsibility, expectations and in truth, the salary was ridiculously low for the amount of work expected. In 2010 and 2011 I was happy to do the low paying, high stress job because I just wanted my career to start somewhere. Now I am 27 years old, I have been there and done that and I was supposed to move up career wise, not take two steps back.

I guess working as a freelance writer from September 2011 until November 2012 has changed me more than I thought possible. I now know that I want to be successful and I want to have pride in what I do. Things got so bad at this job that I couldn't sleep and I was completely stressed out all the time, which made me realize that I was losing myself. I was changing into someone I hated and my writing suffered. 

My family are trying to be supportive, but in truth a few of them are really disappointed in me. I feel really bad too because I couldn't stick it out like I did in 2010 and 2011 (doing the same job), but the job was ruining me. I made the choice and though I don't regret it, I feel guilty. This is the first time I ever quite and somehow my brain hasn't accepted that I won't be going to work tomorrow.

HERE IT IS AGAIN (IWSG)

The writing has not been going as I wanted, but I have lots of new ideas. I even have a few thoughts on how I am finally going to write my very first real short story. A real short story in the sense that I am going to stick to the word count of 7500 words or fewer, as my other supposed short stories have always been longer than that.

I know that my blog has not been really happy of late, but just because I am struggling to write or create does not mean that I don’t want you guys to achieve any of it either. I hope that all of you are writing and making your writing dreams come true. If the inspiration hits you, write. No matter if your pasta is burning or if the kids are drawing all over each other. I wish you guys all the best ideas and hope that the writing will just pour out of you. Until next time…

The Insecure Writers Support Group was created by the wonderful and talented author and blogger, Alex J. Cavanaugh. You guys can visit Alex over at http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com.

IMAGINARY FRIEND BLOGHOP ENTRY

I have been wrecking my brain the past few days trying to figure out what I could write that could be really entertaining, but though I tried to have an imaginary friend growing up, I was just never able to conjure one up, probably because I was never that creative.  Though, having said that, I was always good in tricking my younger cousin into believing that things existed and were present in the room, when they really weren't. I think because I was the older one, she just took me by my word and only when she became older, did she realize that either I was completely crazy, or I was trying to make her crazy.

I remember telling her once that some mythical creatures had called a secret meeting and that the two of us were invited and that she should stop doing her homework and come with me. She did and we spent a few minutes sitting in silence because I assured her the creatures were there, but she was too polite to say anything at the time. Did I mention we were only 7 or 8 years old at the time? Guess I had a flair for the dramatic back then. 

I can't remember whether I believed in the creatures too back then, or whether I was just a compulsive liar or something. I remember telling her these things, but I can't imagine or remember why. 

IT'S JUST LIKE THAT

I have never been the kind of person who did something just because someone else was doing it, or following fashion trends just because the entire world did. I was always my own person in a way and I guess in some way I still am. But one thing is for sure, being an individual can be very lonely and very difficult. Of course I am not just different for the sake of wanting to be special or anything. It is just that most things don't appeal to me the way it does to others. 

I don't always read books on the best-seller list because I don't like the writing styles or the genre of books just don't interest me and it is very likely that I won't even know most published writers, unless they wrote something I liked reading. Just because they are famous, does not mean I read their books. The same thing goes for everything else. I am not just going to like something because it is expected of me to like it. I like deciding for myself. 

I guess this post was inspired by someone at work asking me whether I was different because I wanted attention, or whether it was simply the way my mind worked. I don't think I am the attention seeking type, but I am who I am, if it is weird, so be it. I rather like that about myself. 

HANGING IN THERE

Things at work escalated drastically and although people wanted me to cry and be upset, I didn't give them the satisfaction. I am strong and staying tough. Saw surfer guy twice this week, once he said hi and the second time he asked to borrow my pen, which to you might not sound like much, but it is better than just smiling and saying nothing. Today he actually formed a complete sentence, which makes me wonder whether he thinks he is too cool to speak, or whether he really is that shy. I am trying to figure out why he always has a smirk on his face, like all the time.

Anyway, yesterday my boss asked me to help him load a few things unto a truck, when out of nowhere I see miss chatterbox walking with the surfer guy to his car, being all flirty and everything. Well, I can't blame the dude, she might be annoying but she is pretty and skinny, which I definitely am not and she is definitely not shy.

So now I am not even going to bother with surfer guy anymore, as he went straight to miss chatterbox's section of the cellar today and didn't even look my way once, even though he came by later on to speak one sentence, which was basically to enquire whether I knew where my boss was. But hey, I don't need the stress of worrying whether a guy likes me or not. Besides, I can't be upset because a guy can't look past my physical imperfections, when he is in very great physical shape, meaning his appearance is very important to him and he spends a lot of time on it, which I do not.

So for now, I'll just focus on work and hope that I can actually get some writing done. What are you up to?