I’m a real-life Gollum

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The Lord of the Rings is definitely one of my favorite books and movies of all time. But lately I found that I’m a lot more like my least favorite character Gollum than I would like to be. I do sympathize with him, but I also want to strangle him. He has that eternal struggle with liking and hating himself. Where do I fit in? Well, I like myself. But then there are other days where I don’t, the depression drags me down and makes me feel like I’m an idiot for thinking I’m likeable. I’m actually the happiest I’ve ever been. I love my life and where I am, but I’m always struggling with the nasty depression monster.

Last week my depression medication got increased and I will always struggle, but unlike last year, I’m not just going to get into a little ball and pout. I’m writing and blogging now even though I don’t feel like it. Last year I didn’t want to blog when I wasn’t feeling my best. I watered down some of my posts as not to depress the blogosphere, but my blog is about what my life as a writer is like and I would like to stay true to that. Share the good and the bad. I apologize in advance if I will be posting things that my readers do not want to read, but I have to do this for me.

On the upside, my rewriting is coming along. The current scene requires a sense of happiness and positivity, which I have been struggling with, but music has really helped me get a better feel for certain scenes. I couldn’t imagine my life or writing without music. Also, can’t wait to see the Fifty Shades movie. Have any of you watched it yet? What did you think?

Have a great week everyone! 

One Good Catch Cover Reveal

Title: One Good Catch

Author: Heather M. Gardner

Genre: Contemporary Romantic Suspense

Publisher: InkSpell Publishing

Cover Design: Najla Qamber Designs

Release Date: March 13, 2015

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Ignoring a recent trauma that is affecting her everyday life, ER Doctor Kate Maguire engages in some high risk activities, but putting herself in these dangerous situations isn’t enough to feed her edginess. She needs something more. When her brother’s high school best friend comes back to town, it’s her chance for a ‘no strings attached’ fling with the man who still headlines in all her best dreams.

Rhys MacGrath’s days of one-night-stands are long over. The pro-football player might be side-lined at rehab for a shoulder injury, but that doesn’t mean he can’t admire and desire the all-grown-up, so-damn-hot, version of the tomboy he once knew. His sudden interest in Kate might be aggravating his best friend, who doesn’t approve, but it’s her indifference that’s driving Rhys crazy.

Everything heats up when Kate’s nosy nature sets her in the line of fire of an arsonist forcing them to deal with more than just the sparks igniting between them.

~~~)(~~~

Heather M. Gardner's love of books began on the hand-woven rugs of her small town library where her mother worked. There she had a never-ending supply of stories to read at her fingertips. As a teen, her favorite genres to curl up with were romance and mysteries. When she started to create her own stories, they were the perfect fit.

Heather resides in New York with her best friend who is also her husband, plus her talented and handsome son. She is currently owned by four stray cats. Heather's a full-time mom, works part-time from home, a chocolate enthusiast, coffee junkie, cat addict, book hoarder and fluent in sarcasm.

Blog: The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Twitter: @hmgardner

Goodreads: HMGardner 

Facebook: HeatherWritesRomance Bottom of Form

Hectic

I’m so happy today. I finally had some cracker bread and it tasted good. We haven’t bought potatoes yet, but it is only a matter of time. Yay! So, this week started off pretty hectic, as I have a ton of data to process for my brother, which will probably keep me busy until next week. The funny thing about doing data is the unpredictability of your workload. You can have one slow day and then the next day you have so much data to do that it keeps you busy for weeks.

Now that I’m back to working on such a large workload, the creativity kicks in. I’m thinking up new story ideas when I’m supposed to be concentrating on numbers. But I’m not mad at my creative side. Instead I’m welcoming her back with open arms. After all, I had missed her. She was playing hard to get, the tease.

Speaking of creative, I've started with my first round of rewrites for book two. It is slow, but I want to make sure that I’m taking the story in the right direction. So far, so good. I am definitely getting the feel for the book and its different than book one, but I think it’s good. I haven’t started tackling the large problems yet, but I will be getting to it this week.

So, what are you up to? Do tell…

Creative drought (IWSG)

This month I’m feeling very nervous and insecure. Why? I haven’t felt creative in a long time. I used to feel pretty good about my creativity and now not so much. I haven’t had any new, fresh or fun ideas. Aside for a little rewriting here or there, I haven’t written anything new in months. I know I just need some inspiration. But I fear that maybe I’m not a creative person. Maybe my writing ideas aren’t that original at all. Or maybe my depression is just messing with my mind, because I agreed to do another week of banting. Why-oh-why? My family begged me to hang in there with them. So maybe everyone should just ignore my insecurity about my lack of creativity. I haven’t had a carbohydrate in over a week, so my mood is in the dumps. Man, would I love a burger.

The Insecure Writers Support Group was created by the talented Mr. Alex J. Cavanaugh, so that writers can share their insecurities and/or encourage others who need support with their own. You can visit Alex Here, or if you want to join us in discussing our insecurities on the first Wednesday of each month, you are welcome to join by going Here.

Banting drop-out

This has been a week of hell. Even though I lost 3 kg on this eating plan, I felt like crap the entire time. So, I decided not to do banting anymore, even though my family is still continuing on with it. I will be trying another health plan, one that includes more fruit and I'll still be avoiding the refined and junk foods. But at least I can eat a potato again. Yay!

I've been doing all kinds of diets since I can remember and what I learned is that you have to choose a plan that you can follow long term. I would never be able to do banting forever. The past week I've been craving all the bad foods, which means the first time I get to cheat, I'll end up eating more than I normally would and would most definitely head for the bad foods. Also, banting played havoc with my moods. My depression reared its ugly head again and I had another episode.

Me and my family have struggled with our weight since forever. But I will be turning 30 next year and I want to shed some weight before then. Or at least look and feel healthier. Not to mention that me and exercise need to get re-acquainted. Did you know I was a dancer? I did ballet and modern dance and when I got to college I stopped and obesity set it. Unbelievable, I know.

Have you ever struggled with your weight? Got any health tips for me, please?

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

I have recently been nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award by the wonderful Deanie Humphrys-Dunne. Thank you Deanie. 

The rules for accepting this award are as follows:

1. Thank the person who nominated you, and link to their blog.

2. Display the award logo.

3. Nominate at least 15 other blogs (more or less) and provide a link where they may be found.

4. Then, go to their blog, leave a comment to let them know they have been nominated, and   where to find the information they need to accept (rules).

5. Mention three things that inspired you the most during the past few weeks.

As always, I'm not going to pick favorites. I nominate everyone who leaves a comment. You deserve it. 

Three things that have inspired me are my family, my blogger friends and the online community. When you have so many wonderful people in your life it is hard not to feel inspired and grateful. 

My relief, hunger and rewrites

My boy taking his nap

Relief

My boy is back to his hyperactive-self and driving me crazy, which I love. His final blood work came back and confirmed that he indeed does have Addison's disease, but since taking his medication he is so much better. Thank you to everyone who wished me and him well.

Hunger

My family and I started the real meal revolution program today (Banting) and I'm starving. No carbohydrates, refined foods, junk food, sugar and so forth. But you are allowed to eat animal protein, veggies and fats like butter, avocado's and so on. I'm really grumpy today because I love potatoes and now I can't have any. Urgh! But the first few days are always the worst, right? I can do this!

Rewrites

I had intended to start on my second book's rewrites last week, but when I read through the first few chapters, there were a lot of things I had to think through first. Like the feel of the second book wasn't what I wanted. I didn't like how the story was unfolding or the voice with which I wrote it. I also had to decide on the level of romance I wanted in my book. I want to keep the love scenes classy, yet entertaining, so I had to do a lot of thinking. Book two continues with the same characters from book one, which had originally been one 145 000 word novel. So I wanted the style and feel to carryover to book two and it didn't. But I can work it out. I just have to get my head clear.

How are you doing?